Covert Manipulation by Brandon Edward

Author:Brandon, Edward
Language: eng
Format: epub
Published: 2019-09-21T16:00:00+00:00

Chapter 7: Covert Manipulation in a Love Relationship

It is easy to find yourself in a romantic relationship with a narcissist. The love-bombing is hard to ignore. They will make you feel like you are the most important person in the world to them and you will be showered with loving gestures such as poems, love letters, gifts, or just merely the fact that they always have time for you.

The first few times they overreact to something, you might be able to justify it in your mind. There is a simple stage in a relationship where a kiss and a few sappy words can fix any argument. However, as time goes on you need to be able to solve conflicts with a person through honest communication.

A narcissist cannot have a productive argument. When people in a healthy and loving relationship disagree, their goal is to learn how to communicate better and find out where the miscommunication happened this time. When it is narcissistic abuse, they want to demean and shame you.

There is such a thing as a productive argument. It is one that is void of name-calling and hurling accusations at one another. An argument is also not the time to bring up past grievances. This is sometimes referred to as the “kitchen sink” method. This is a very unhealthy way of arguing, but one that is often used by narcissists. They mean to make you feel like a wrong person.

They will not hear you out if you come to them with a concern about the way they treat you. They will say something like “do you think you’re perfect?” This focuses the attention away from what they have done that is hurtful to you. For example, you might tell them you don’t want them to call you names. Their response is “You’re not always a ray of sunshine around me either.” In this situation, they did not hear you out at all. They shut down what you were trying to say to them.

A narcissist’s first impulse will always be to self-protect. They are not interested in listening to your point of view, nor do they want to reach a compromise. They want to make sure they do not have any tarnishes on their character. That is because if they are not flawless, they are worthless. That is their thought process. This is most likely because during childhood they were only given praise when they succeeded.

The covert narcissist will be honest with you about what their grievances are in a relationship. Instead, they will go to other people. Many times there will be a cheating situation that arises of this, but they will try to rally many people against their partner. They often aim to taint their mutual friends’ idea of them.

Venting to a confidant such as a best friend or family member is alright, and actually something you will need to do at times. Speaking ill of your partner is not. When you come to a confidant with a legitimate issue, you still want to preserve the integrity of the relationship.

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