Confessions of a Scary Mommy: An Honest and Irreverent Look at Motherhood: The Good, The Bad, and the Scary by Jill Smokler

Author:Jill Smokler [Smokler, Jill]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Gallery Books
Published: 2012-04-03T07:00:00+00:00

Chapter 15

I HATE OTHER PEOPLE’S KIDS (NOT YOURS, OF COURSE)

Mommy Confessions

• I make faces at other people’s misbehaving children in the grocery store when their parents aren’t looking.

• My best friend’s kids have ruined our friendship. I just can’t bring myself to be around them.

• My nightmare job would be a preschool teacher. I’d rather collect garbage or clean toilets than be around a bunch of two-year-olds all day.

• I always thought I wanted to be the house where all of my kids’ friends convene. Now I am that house and it’s totally overrated.

• Why are other people’s kids so much more annoying than my own?

• I don’t like some of my nieces and nephews and I seriously can’t stand having them at my house.

• I “accidentally” tripped a child on the playground yesterday.

• When my kid talks in baby talk, I think it’s adorable. When other kids do, I just want them to speak proper English!

• When I read with kids at school and I see disgusting fingernails that need to be clipped with dirt under them, I want to vomit.

• Playdates are just another word for babysitting. Hated it then, hate it now.

• I wish I could handpick my children’s friends. Their taste in people is highly questionable.

• I blatantly favor certain children when I volunteer and it’s all based on whose parents I can’t stand the most.

• My daughter gets picked on at recess . . . deep down I just wish she would teach her bully a lesson by punching her square in the face.

• I don’t want to vote for your kids in the “cutest kid” contest on Facebook because, honestly, your kids are not that cute.

• I hate my friend’s sticky-fingered minions . . . damn little carpet trolls. I also hate the fact that she thinks it is okay to let them run rampant in my home, which is NOT snot-tot-proof.

• I’m sick to death of feeding faces that don’t belong to my children.

• I keep trying to sabotage my daughter’s friendships. I know who’s better for her than she does.

• I think other people’s babies look like aliens. Mine, of course, were the most gorgeous creatures on earth.

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