Clowns vs. Spiders by Jeff Strand

Author:Jeff Strand [Strand, Jeff]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Tags: Horror, Humour
Amazon: B07XM4FJSH
Goodreads: 48163481
Published: 2019-09-14T05:00:00+00:00

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Half an hour later, the clown car was completely covered in spiders. Jaunty could occasionally clear a viewing area by starting the engine and turning on the windshield wipers, but for the most part it was difficult to see what was happening around them.

"I know we all voted in favor of it," said Wagon, "but I'll take the blame for this idea. It wasn't a good one."

"I would've thought we'd get through to 911 by now," said Bluehead. "Or that somebody would have showed up to rescue us. Or that the spiders would've left. Or that one of us would have volunteered to exit the car and go for help."

"Government services have a lot on their plate right now," said Jaunty. "I'm sure they're killing the spiders sector by sector. They'll get to us. We'll be fine. I'm not the least bit hungry and I don't have to go to the bathroom."

"I had to go to the bathroom before the spiders even started attacking," said Bluehead. "And I'm the only one who can't just pee out the window."

"I have to pee, too," said Depravo, "but I'll let my bladder explode before I stick my dick out that window."

Jaunty turned around in his seat and glared at him. "You're not my boss anymore, so how about you not use the d-word around me, okay?"

"I'm still everybody else's boss."

"Do you really think they're going to reopen the Mountain of Terror this season? If the windows weren't covered in spiders, I'd see at least a half-dozen dead customers." Jaunty felt guilty about the casual reference to death—those customers probably had families and pets—but he wasn't in the mood for Depravo to talk about his genitalia in crude terms.

"Can I say wiener?"

"Wiener is fine."

"Then I shan't be extending my wiener out the open window lest it doth get bitten by a spider."

"Not quite Shakespearian."

"What's your problem, Jaunty?"

"My problem is that Guffaw is dead in the trunk of this car, and we may very well be joining him. In being dead. Not in being in the trunk. So, yes, please forgive me, Depravo the Satanic Clown, if I'm a bit testy!"

"I apologize," said Depravo. "And when I asked what your problem was, I obviously knew what the problem was. I only said that because I'm also completely stressed out."

"That's all right," said Jaunty. "This is difficult for everybody."

"Honestly, we should all be proud of ourselves," said Bluehead. "There have been a lot of tense moments, but nobody has gone completely nuts. I'd say that considering the circumstances, we're an amazingly sane car full of clowns. You think the actors from the other rooms are handling it like this? You think the skeleton dancers aren't at each other's throats right now?"

"I'm not trying to subvert your inspirational message," said Wagon. "But the skeleton dancers probably aren't trapped in a parking lot right now. Again, I take full responsibility for this—I just wanted to point that out."

"Fair enough," said Bluehead.

"We need a distraction," said Jaunty. "Let's all share our best memory of Guffaw.

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