Classic Book of Rude Jokes by Scott McNeely

Author:Scott McNeely
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Chronicle Books LLC
Published: 2013-09-14T16:00:00+00:00

Q: Why do Scotsmen wear kilts?

A: So the sheep won’t hear the zip.

Q: Why do bagpipers walk when they play?

A: They’re trying to get away from the noise.

Q: Why do bagpipers walk when they play?

A: A moving target is harder to hit.

A man walks into a bar with an octopus. He sits the octopus down on a stool and tells everyone in the bar, “This is the world’s most talented octopus. He can play any musical instrument you can produce. In fact, I’ll wager a hundred dollars that nobody here has an instrument this octopus cannot play.”

Somebody in the bar pulls out a guitar. Immediately the octopus picks up the guitar and plays a rip-roaring guitar solo. The man pays up his hundred dollars.

Next somebody produces a trumpet. The octopus grabs the horn and plays a sweet melody. The man pays up his hundred dollars.

Then a Scotsman pulls out his bagpipes. The octopus fumbles with the pipes and has a confused look.

“Ha!” the Scotsman says, “Ye cannae plae it, can ye, octopus?”

The octopus looks up at him and says, “Play it? I’m going to fuck it as soon as I figure out how to remove its plaid pajamas.”

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