Character Matters by Jean Becker

Author:Jean Becker [BECKER, JEAN]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Grand Central Publishing
Published: 2024-01-22T00:00:00+00:00

Ashley Bush LeFevre, granddaughter:

The men in my family are not afraid to cry.

I’ve watched my dad, Neil, completely break down over an emotional episode of Touched by an Angel (or pretty much any toast he gives to someone he loves). My brother, Pierce, lost it at both my sister’s and my wedding. My uncle George famously sheds tears on the national stage from time to time.

And then there’s my grandfather—Gampy, the original crier. The one who showed them—all of us—how to feel these intense emotions life throws at us. You don’t sweep it under the rug to look more powerful, more in control, more effective. Instead, you embrace the sadness, the joy, the heartbreak, the tears.

Ten years ago, at one of our favorite Tex-Mex restaurants, I was asking Gampy about his life, posing questions like: “Who was your best friend growing up?” He’d either respond right away or direct me to Ganny. My grandmother was Gampy’s historian, remembering the smallest details of his life—of their life.

But one question hit harder. I asked my grandfather: “You’ve lived such an incredible life, is there a memorable event that stands out among the others?”

I thought it was a no-brainer: the day he was elected President of the United States! Instead, he sat in silence for a long beat. I was getting ready to ask Ganny what hers was when I realized my grandfather was crying. He was no longer sitting at that table, but deep in thought about someone, something. He finally looked up at me, tried unsuccessfully to compose himself, and then through tears recounted the harrowing day he lost two of his crew members during World War II.

I remember the waitstaff at the restaurant being alarmed, and quickly forgoing the water service. Gampy was eighty-eight years old when I was quizzing him about his extraordinary life, but the memories of his twenty-year-old self were so vivid, so fresh. The heartbreak so real.

Not a single day passes where I don’t think about those two men who lost their lives too early.

Gampy was a young Navy pilot when his aircraft was hit by enemy fire. His two crew members, Lieutenant Junior Grade William White and Radioman Second Class John Delaney, did not survive. It was an emotional touchstone that undoubtedly shaped the rest of his life. And instead of trying to forget that horrifying incident, Gampy made sure he thought about it every single day.

To witness a man who has lived such a powerful and extraordinary life be so vulnerable and grieve so publicly was such a testament to the kind of leader he chose to be: compassionate, thoughtful, resilient. By example, Gampy encouraged all of us to live deeply, to feel everything, and to not be afraid when the tears start rolling.

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