Caretaker by L.A. Graf

Author:L.A. Graf
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Pocket Books/Star Trek
Published: 2024-01-09T00:00:00+00:00

CHAPTER

11

FIVE HOURS LATER, SHE WAS no closer to belief—or sleep—than when Tuvok first left the ready room.

I probably should have gone back to my quarters. Even a starship’s bunk was more comfortable than a couch that Janeway suspected was constructed more for the sake of its appearance than for its usefulness. But her quarters held what was left of her unpacked luggage, the two articles of civilian clothing she had brought to remind her of autumn back home, the pictures of Mark and darling Bear. She’d learned long ago that while guilt can be a great motivator, it can also be a great destroyer—it thrived on stolen energy.

An innate awareness of this fact no doubt had something to do with why, somewhere between shutting down the screens and killing the lights last night, she’d been overwhelmed with the conviction that a return to her quarters would somehow represent a surrender. That by going to bed the way she would have on any other day of her career, she was accepting that this was how she would be going to bed from now on—that this was where she would be going to bed, with no hope of ever seeing a real home again. So she’d stretched out on the hard, aesthetically pleasing gray couch and draped one arm across her eyes, and told herself that she was just being efficient by sleeping so close to the bridge. In case she was needed.

Five hours into her nonsleep vigil, she knew that there were seven primary welds in the ready-room ceiling, and that the bridge air-recirculation system turned on an average of twice every hour.

I should have gone down to sickbay and had that holographic medical program anesthetize me.

She should have made sure Mark understood that every mission meant a chance the captain might not come home when she asked him to watch Bear while she was gone.

She should have said no when Starfleet asked her to head up this assignment.

Growling with frustration, she rolled onto her shoulder and covered her face in her hands, trying to grind away the insidious should-haves with the pressure of her fists against her eyes.

Her comm badge chirped and saved her from further self-anger. “Bridge to Captain Janeway.”

Apparently, Tuvok really didn’t sleep. “Go ahead.” She tried to sound rested and alert, but knew she failed miserably.

“Sorry to bother you, Captain.” Tuvok’s eloquent way of letting her know he could interpret human tone of voice even if Vulcans chose not to emulate them. “But we’ve encountered a vessel within a debris field. We’re showing a humanoid life-form on board.”

“On my way.” She rolled to her feet and ran her hands back through her hair. I may not look presentable, but at least I can look driven. She slipped through the door to the bridge while it was still only halfway open. “Hail them.”

Rollins turned toward the ops station to comply, and Janeway moved to the foot of the command station to study the image on the main viewscreen.

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