Can't Run From Love by Monica Walters

Author:Monica Walters [Walters, Monica]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Published: 2021-02-11T18:30:00+00:00

11

Kyla

The breeze was just what I needed. The waves and the water didn’t look nasty for a change. The water actually looked blue. Galveston was known for its murky water and seaweed infested beach, but they were trying to keep it cleaner these days. As I leaned back in the umbrella chair near the water, I took the time to write in my journal. After writing a page, addressing my fears and regrets, I closed my eyes and reflected on how I took those insecurities out on Serita and Nick. They were only trying to be there for me, and I tried to push them away instead of just saying what I needed.

I was starting to regret not taking the morning after pill. Would I want to carry Silas’s baby? Hell naw. But I wouldn’t have an abortion, either. It was a catch twenty-two for sure. Although Silas had raped me, our past was filled with moments where I willingly gave it to him, so if I was indeed pregnant with his baby, I’d have to reflect on those times. Silas and I mostly used protection, but something inside of me wanted Nick to be my child’s father. That night when we made love at the jacuzzi, my heart completely attached itself to him and all the love he offered.

The way he made my body feel… the care he always showed me had left me in what felt like a fantasy land, knowing that what we had together was perfect. Although I wasn’t done with school, I wanted to have Nick’s baby just in case I tried to change my mind out of fear. I didn’t want to lose my best friend. Plus, he’d never had a real girlfriend. It wasn’t that he couldn’t get one… he just wanted me. No one else. That type of passion and commitment was unheard of. As I watched the waves, someone said, “We just want to help you. That’s it. You taking your anger out on the wrong people.”

When I looked up, he was gone. Turning in my chair, I saw Nick walking through the sand back toward Seawall Boulevard. I saw Serita standing on the sidewalk with her hand on her chest. Flopping back in my seat, I knew they were right. I brought my knees to my chest and cried my eyes out. Because of what Silas had done to me, it felt like my mind was running a fucking marathon. It was bad enough that mental instability ran rampantly through my mom’s side of the family. Maybe this incident jump started mine. A gentle caress on my back caused me to lift my head. “It’s gonna be okay, baby girl.”

I wrapped my arms around Serita and held on tight. Her being here healed our relationship in a way. Knowing that she actually took initiative to do something for me… to care for me, softened my heart, especially since her being here didn’t benefit her in any way. “I’m sorry,” I whispered.

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