Before You Go by Clare Swatman

Author:Clare Swatman [Swatman, Clare]
Language: eng
Format: epub
ISBN: 9781509824830
Publisher: Pan Macmillan UK

The day has ended where it began: in the bed in a room I don’t recognize. Only this time, as I lie on my side, Ed’s body is wrapped around mine, his chest pressed into my back, his legs following the contours of mine, his arm draped across my waist. I can feel his warm breath on my neck and it makes me shiver. I’m trying to commit the feel of his body to memory, to hold this in my mind forever, so that if I don’t get to see him again, at least I’ll always have this. I can’t imagine ever forgetting it, but I know I will, eventually.

We’re lying still but my mind is busy, trying to lend some order to what’s happened today. Something has changed, shifted; today was a totally new day. Last time we’d been through this I’d stayed in the flat, alone; I’d gone to the office and worked late, worked like a maniac, trying to avoid going home to an empty flat. A flat without Ed in it. This time, I’d come to this house, in this town I don’t know, and Susan had come to see me, helped us sort things out. I don’t know what this means, but I can only hope it means that, if I’ve changed something small like this, then maybe I might have changed something bigger; maybe I’ve already tweaked things enough for Ed not to die. After all, it would only be a matter of a few seconds’ difference in timing, that terrible day. Who’s to say it couldn’t work?

‘You OK, Zo?’

‘Yeah, I’m fine. Thinking.’

‘About what?’

‘Just how happy I am.’

‘Me too. Really happy.’ His arm tightens round me.

We lie like that a while longer and I listen as Ed’s breathing slows.

‘I love you, Ed. Promise me you’ll never leave me. Promise me you won’t die.’

But there’s no answer; he hasn’t heard me, and the steady sound of his breathing is my only reply. And so I drift off too, hoping that this won’t be the last memory with him I’m able to create, hoping I’ll have at least one more day . . .

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