Barking Goats and the Redneck Mafia by Dolores Wilson

Author:Dolores Wilson
Language: eng
Format: epub
Tags: funny, southern humor, lady tow truck driver, down home humor
Publisher: Salt Run Publishing LLC

Saturday morning, I awoke a few minutes before seven. Arch nestled against my back with his arm around my expanded middle. I rubbed my tummy and our baby did what felt like a combination of sit-ups and the rumba. Just another reminder of how much my life had changed in less than a year.

Twelve months before, the wall across from the bed needed painting. I had adorned it with a Monet cut from a magazine and displayed it in a four-dollar frame from Wal-Mart. I had no stable man in my life except for my father, who was also my boss. A husband was so far removed from my mind I couldn’t spell matrimony if I tried. Children? Yeah, I wanted them and hoped to have a couple before I was collecting Social Security. But, a year ago, I couldn’t see it happening.

I didn’t have much luck with men. I proved that by almost marrying Lee Dew, an unfaithful sleazebag who got what he had coming to him when he left me to marry Carrie Sue’s sister, Annie. She could open beer bottles with her teeth. They spawned a couple of kids who, for legal reasons, are not allowed to play with baseball bats.

Then there was Jeff House, the miller worker by day and male stripper by night. Oh, yeah, he came complete with a wife.

Somehow, I’d shaken free from the threat of bad last names and found the perfect husband and daughter, all in one package. Every day I thanked God for my many blessings. Arch, Petey, and the baby jitterbugging in my tummy. The little one was definitely going to be a dancer like his or her grandfather. My father, Pop Byrd, was famous all over Shafer County for his dancing ability. By the feel of it, his new grandchild might someday take Pop’s place.

Now, hanging on the wall across from our bed was Arch’s and my wedding picture. Next to it I placed one of Petey taken the day the three of us became a family. Her big grin made me smile. I constantly made jokes about our new baby giving me indigestion, but I knew the ache in my chest came from my heart filled to bursting with so much appreciation and love.

Last summer, Pop turned the business over to me, making me my own boss. I married the man of my dreams. Well, that wasn’t exactly true, because Arch far exceeded any expectations I ever had of a husband. That should be apparent by the other men I dated. Arch was gentle, kind, considerate, and able to read my mind sometimes before I knew what I was thinking. That is scary on so many levels, given the unpredictable way my mind worked.

As much as I hated to, I crawled out of Arch’s hug and was headed to answer the call of nature when Petey knocked on our bedroom door. When I opened it, she nodded toward the front door and whispered, “Miss Barbie’s here. She said if you don’t have dill pickles she can borrow, she’s going to die.

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