Bang Lithuania by Roosh V

Author:Roosh V [V, Roosh]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Published: 2012-09-23T11:34:33.072000+00:00

The Dream Girl

I wasn’t supposed to meet her. All I needed to do was buy a little food and a small bottle of vodka to hold me over until I was to leave Lithuania for Ukraine two days later. But there she was in the pasta aisle, reading a package of macaroni.

I already had a lot of practice approaching in foreign grocery stores. The first thing I’d do when walking in was grab a loaf of bread. I’d put it in the child seat of my cart then continue shopping.

When a cute girl crossed my path, I’d say, “Excuse me, do you know what kind of bread this is? I can’t tell if it’s white or wheat.” If she was receptive, I’d ask her to recommend some foods and then add, “I’m still learning your food culture.” She’d usually ask where I was from and then I’d have her number a couple minutes after that.

My bread loaf was locked and loaded in my cart, but when I passed by the girl in the pasta aisle, my mouth didn’t open. What would be the point? I was leaving in two days and didn’t have time to entertain the possibility of adding a girl to my pipeline.

I went to the deli meat section, but couldn’t stop thinking about the opportunity I had just passed up. I couldn’t deny that she was my type: petite, long dark hair, chipmunk cheeks, thick lips, and globular eyes. I had already fallen for a girl like her in Brazil named Mariana. The easiest way to duplicate the feeling I had with her, I guessed, was to find another girl that looked like her.

It didn’t take long to start feeling like a chump. So what if I was leaving in two days? That didn’t mean I couldn’t have a little social chat in a grocery store. I called myself a pussy, a fake, a loser. I turned around, ready to seek her out, when I saw her about to walk right by as I was holding a package of ham. There was no hesitation this time.

“Excuse me,” I said, “but do you know what kind of ham this is? Does it come from pig?”

She examined the package for thirty seconds without saying anything. It was possible that she didn’t even speak English.

“Yes, this is pig,” she said.

“Oh, okay. Thanks. The kind of ham I usually buy is out of stock, so I wasn’t sure if this was something weird, like lamb or ox. Actually do you know if they have turkey breast here?”

I led her to the packages of what I thought were turkey breast, but she said they were also ham.

“Back where I come from, turkey breast is very popular. I’m going through turkey breast withdrawal, I think.”

“Where are you from?” she asked.

We ended up talking for fifteen minutes, right next to the hams. My month in Lithuania had taught me that the key to success was to yank girls out of their shells and get them to talk, not necessarily to perform a perfect monologue like I could get away with in the West.

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