Bag of Hammers by Edward Riche

Author:Edward Riche
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Breakwater Books Ltd
Published: 2017-03-21T16:00:00+00:00

EVERLAND

He was scowling at his menu, not even bothering with a hello when I arrived. It had been years and years yet he carried on as if I’d just returned from the gents.

“Seared Tuna? Crikey. Do you know, Peter, there was once a grog house on this very spot. Brothel upstairs. They served a game pie, one with a fair measure of grouse in it…and you never see a pickled egg any more. I fancy the scattered pickled egg.”

He made a show of reaching for a piece of bread.

“That’s…new?” I ventured.

“Yes,” he said, turning his good eye to the prosthesis. It was of a synthetic with a Pepto-Bismol hue, one poorly approximating flesh. “Took a bit of getting used to.”

“I would have thought, practicality aside, the hook was…was?…eponymous isn’t the right word, rather the reverse. Something of a trademark, at least.”

“It had become a cliché, Peter. Truth be told, I was tiring of the act. One night, we were ashore in Madeira and this stunning wench…sorry, this young woman…had the gall to say I looked like ‘Johnny channelling Keef.’”

“Better than Ratzo Rizzo.”

“Or Mork,” he answered after a moment.

“I can’t stay long.”

“No, I suppose not, banker’s hours and all. I’ll get right to it then. As I say I’m getting out of the racket and…well…I’m offering you the ship.”

“The Roger?”

“Yes, and the Captaincy, of course. There’s very little sailing or swashbuckling involved any longer. I licensed the thing to Disney ages ago. It’s mostly public appearances now, no piracy at all, leastways of the old sort.”

“I don’t see how I could. This is very sudden.”

“I know but what with this new book coming out and yet another pirate movie come Christmas…. And say what you will Peter, you’re the natural choice. If you read between the lines it’s terribly obvious that if you had stayed with us….”

“Yes, yes, yes, I’ve heard it all before.”

“If I had a doubloon for every time someone told me that I had refused to grow up,” he shook the false arm at me, “for every time some women evoked your name as I left her bed chamber. I may have been lapped by my own reference, but you’ve given name to a complex. What a legacy,” he cackled.

“An unfair characterization, given the circumstances,” said I.

“Indeed.” He quieted, steadying to take aim. “How is Mrs. Pan, by the way?”

“Wendy…she’s wonderful. Bit of a battle or a series of skirmishes, with depression. It’s being treated.”

“No more flying about the room, then?”

“One crashes.”

“Yes she’s better with her feet on the ground.”

“There are still a lot of unresolved issues concerning her father, I’m afraid.”

He didn’t want to hear this and changed the subject.

“Tinker Bell is in town too, you know. She’s still flying.”

“Wendy doesn’t even know I’m here, Hook. She wouldn’t be very happy.”

“Arrr…” he started and then, catching himself, made as though he was just clearing his throat. “Come on, join us, just for tonight, for old times’ sake, we’re going for a few ales, the Lost Boys too, we’ll be going straight on ’til morning, Peter.

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