ARISE Out of the Ashes by Deborah Lovett

Author:Deborah Lovett
Language: eng
Format: epub
Tags: christian fire restoration rebuilding disaster redemption ashes deborah lovett
Publisher: Deborah Lovett

CHAPTER 10

Coming Back to Life

The dictionary defines shock as “a sudden and violent blow.” The psychological definition, which is much the same as “acute stress reaction,” uses words like nervous system, hormones, adrenal glands, daze of consciousness, panic, anxiety, detachment, numbness, amnesia, disorientation, agitation, and impaired judgment—symptoms that all occur within four weeks of the event.

From my experience, I would suggest a different definition. To me, shock is a state of being that is a gift from God, protecting your mind and body from feeling the full impact of a disaster for as long as needed. It’s a bubble of protection.

I had reached the point where the shock was wearing off and I was beginning to experience the full extent of my emotional anguish. At first I just thought I was being hormonal. I couldn’t stop crying and felt utterly defeated. I was physically exhausted from my all-day hunting and gathering expeditions, followed by endless hours of tedious paperwork required by the insurance company.

We were also under enormous pressure to launch a lawsuit against the fire department for allowing a small garage fire to completely consume our entire house. The response time alone was an issue, compounded by compelling evidence that some of the responders had arrived on the scene inebriated. No one could provide a rational explanation for the complete inability to get water to the fire. The official report filed with the State of Ohio reads, “They ran out of water.” Far from it.

I had been using prescription drugs to deaden the pain—refills from my surgery the day before the fire. I knew I needed to get off of them eventually, but they kept the floodgates of my emotions from being unleashed. I was able to tell myself that I had everything under control until someone asked me, “How do you grieve the loss of an entire life?” Then the truth hit me full force and I crumbled. I wasn’t just exhausted and overwhelmed; I was at risk of being swept away by my grief.

Elizabeth Kübler-Ross identified five stages of grief: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. I could see I was sinking into the depression phase; it was time to move on to acceptance. In order to ARISE from any circumstance it is necessary to accept God’s love and agree that He loves to work in situations that seem impossible.

After 22 years together, Tim knew me better than most husbands know their wives, so he arranged my rescue. (Or maybe it was his rescue!) He sent me, with my friend Donna, to the Red Mountains of Utah. I would be hundreds of miles away from the clamor of fire inspectors, insurance adjusters, architects, contractors, endless decisions, and daily reminders of loss. If I were going to reach a point of restoration, it had to begin with rest for my soul.

I arrived the day before Donna and signed up for the “Nordic Hike.” The signup sheet described it as a two-mile hike, and it sounded like just what the doctor ordered.

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