Are You Dave Gorman? by Danny Wallace & Dave Gorman

Author:Danny Wallace & Dave Gorman [Wallace, Danny & Gorman, Dave]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Tags: Comedy, Humour, Non-Fiction, Travel, Essays, Travelogues
ISBN: 9781448146321
Google: rmU-UniUf78C
Amazon: B007QSNF3S
Publisher: Random House
Published: 2012-04-05T23:00:00+00:00

Chapter 10

HE’S GOT A TICKET TO RYDE … AND HE DON’T CARE

THE TRAFFIC WAS heavy on the way back from Heathrow and I had to change down to third gear as the M4 became the A4. For some time I had been deep in thought.

‘While you were sleeping on the plane, Dan, I got to thinking … about the numbers.’

‘What numbers?’

‘The Dave Gorman numbers. I just thought, wouldn’t it be weird if there turned out to be mathematical connections? So, if, say, all the prime number Dave Gormans turned out to have something in common. Or all the even numbers, or whatever.’

‘Right. Yes. I’ve wondered the same myself.’

‘So, for example, if you take the prime numbers, right?’

‘Right.’

‘That’s 1, 2, 3, 5, 7, 11, 13 and 17, so far – East Fife FC, his son, Tooting, Edinburgh, Wolverhampton, Warminster, Highbury and the fictional one – is there any weird connection that separates them from the others?’

‘And is there?’

‘Nope, not a sausage’. I moved out to overtake an ice-cream van. ‘Weird if there was, though, eh?’

When we finally got home Dan immediately checked the messages on the answering machine. He’d clearly been hoping for a ‘Welcome Back!’ message from Hanne, but didn’t find one. There was only the one message, in fact, and it was left in a plummy, clipped voice that sounded like a wing commander from a black and white war movie. I was actually surprised when it didn’t end with the phrase ‘Roger, over and out’, so I think it’s safe to say that Dan knew it wasn’t Hanne, pretty much straight away.

‘Err … hello…’ it began. ‘I’m standing in a car park at Heathrow Airport looking at a sticker on a car that reads, “Are you in the Dave Gorman club?” Well, I’m not sure what that’s about but it’s bugging me. What is the Dave Gorman Club? Is this anything to do with Dave Gorman? Well, I mean, obviously it’s something to do with Dave Gorman, I mean the Dave Gorman I used to work with. At Legal & General … he was a bit of a card. Is it you Dave? It’s Ken here. What does it all mean? Could you let me know?’

Well, I wasn’t the Dave Gorman Ken thought I was. But neither had I met the Dave Gorman he thought I was. Ken had left his number. We had another lead.

My nap, that afternoon, didn’t have quite the recharging effect that I’d thought it would. Because, for the first time since I was a kid, I had a nightmare. I dreamt that I was on MasterMind, sitting in the famous black leather chair opposite Magnus Magnusson, and I’d selected my specialist chosen subject carefully…

MM: Mr Wallace, from East London, what is your specialist chosen subject?

DW: Men called Dave Gorman.

MM: Mr Wallace, you have two minutes to answer as many questions correctly as you can on the subject of Dave Gormans, starting … now. How many Ford Capris does Dave Gorman from Wolverhampton own?

DW: Three.

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