Anger: How to Live with and without It by Albert Ellis

Author:Albert Ellis [Ellis, Albert]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Kensington
Published: 2017-01-13T05:00:00+00:00

Pout, pout, pout! Shout, shout, shout!

Make the biggest mess!

Rip, rip, rip! Slip, slip, slip

Into rabid craziness!

Think, think, think! Drink, drink, drink

Only of cruel fate!

Beat your breast and be obsessed

With just everyone you hate!

Since I have done marriage and family counseling for more than thirty years, people frequently ask me how they can check or control their anger at their spouses or at others with whom they have a close relationship. Well they might! As another well-known marriage counselor, Dr. David Mace, pointed out in an article in the Journal of Marriage and Family Counseling, overt or covert feelings of anger probably interfere with love and disrupt more intimate relationships than do any other causes. Dr. Mace rightly takes to task the “marital fighting” concepts of George Bach and his followers and points out that if you tend to argue and fight with your mate, you can use the REBT approach of dissolving your anger, rather than palliatively expressing it or diverting it.

More concretely, he outlines three main methods of doing this:

1. Acknowledge your anger. Tell your partner, “I feel angry at you,” just as you would say, “I feel tired,” or “I feel frightened.”

2. Renounce your anger as unhealthy. Even though your mate has treated you badly or unfairly, face the fact that you create your own anger, that you need not do so, and that you usually harm your relationship by feeling it and by expressing it against your partner.

3. Ask your partner for help. Show her that you have a problem in dealing with your anger, and see if she can suggest some plans to help rid you of it and to make your relationship better.

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