In Sheep's Clothing: Understanding and Dealing with Manipulative People by George K. Simon Ph.D

Author:George K. Simon Ph.D. [Simon, George K. Ph.D.]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Published: 2011-07-09T04:03:00+00:00

The Perfect Victim

When Janice got the call from the hospital, she initially felt angry. She didn't understand why, however. Her gut was telling her she was being abused but Bill hadn't done anything overtly cruel to her. So, she didn't grant legitimacy to her feelings. Her anger was soon overshadowed by her customary feelings of guilt. As a result, she came to see Bill as only a victim and not a manipulator. As she goes back for more of the same, her guilt will pass but feelings of frustration and sadness will soon rise. It's an endless, vicious cycle that she's been through many times.

Bill uses the tactic of playing the victim role with consummate precision. He knows how to engender sympathy and invite others to feel like the bad guy for "deserting" him in his hour of need. And Janice has all of the right personality characteristics to fall for this tactic hook, line and sinker. She hates to think of herself as the bad guy. She doesn't like to hurt anyone. In fact she's one of those caretakers who's much more concerned about everyone else's welfare than her own. When she thinks she's being selfish, she's riddled with guilt and shame. So, when Bill combines the tactics of playing the victim with guilt-tripping and shaming techniques, Janice is ready to take the fall.

Bill is also expert at externalizing the blame for his behavior. He asserts he only cheats and has rages when he's drinking and he only drinks when Janice emotionally neglects him. He has two perfect scapegoats: Janice and booze. The only thing more destructive than the fact that he scapegoats is the fact that Janice falls prey to this ploy.

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