An Orc on the Wild Side by Tom Holt

Author:Tom Holt
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Orbit
Published: 2019-09-09T16:00:00+00:00

Ms. White’s grandmother had been one of those strong, pithy women whose sayings live on for a considerable time after they themselves have gone, like great works of art or radioactive waste. One of her favourites had been she’s prettier than she looks. Ms. White, sitting in front of her mirror, considered it for a moment, then turned it round. Not quite as pretty as she looks. She imagined Gran saying it, and what the expression on her face would’ve been. All too easy. Not nearly as pretty as she looks, she thought, and you can put that down to far too many late nights and rather too much boisterous living. Ah well. Through with all that now, thank goodness.

Her phone tinkled and she dived for it like a seal. Notification from the Crédit Mayonnais, Geneva office; a sum of money had just been credited to her account, see attachment. She saw attachment. Were there really that many noughts in all the world? Apparently there were. Yippee.

She looked round at the grey stone walls and bare flagstones of her chamber. She’d been in places like this a couple of times, in brief intervals between the making of one permitted phone call and the arrival of redemption, and had promised herself to avoid them in future, if possible. I do believe my work here is done, she told herself. I think I’ll go home now.

She gave the mirror one more look. It wasn’t on the wall and the answer to the question no longer interested her, but she asked it anyway. Force of habit, really.

And then the mirror was filled with the image of a single glowing red Eye, which gazed at her for a very long time, and when she tried to look away she couldn’t. And then the Eye spoke.

“Angelina Jolie, since you ask,” it said. “If by fairest you mean prettiest. It can also mean most disposed to act in a just or equitable fashion, in which case I’d probably go for Michelle Obama or Pope Francis, but only because the choice is so terribly limited these days. Or did you mean the person with the yellowest hair?”

Ms. White picked up the mirror and turned it round. No wires going into the back, but that didn’t necessarily mean anything. “Who the hell are you?” she said.

“Now let’s see,” said the mirror. “You’re familiar with the iPod, the iPhone and the iPad. Well, I’m the Eye mirror. I’m the very latest thing.”

“Did you come in the last consignment?”

“With all the other gadgets? No. I’m strictly home-grown. Nothing like me exists where you come from.” The Eye winked at her. “That curious knocking sound isn’t the plumbing. It’s opportunity.”

Ms. White frowned. “You’re some sort of magic whatsit.”

“I don’t have to be magical,” said the Eye. “From what I gather, I could operate in your environment, easy as pie. I can be Windows and Android compatible just by wanting to. Not here, of course. But if you take me with you when you go—”

“Who said I’m going anywhere?”

“Oh, come now.

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