Aftereffect by T. John

Author:T. John
Language: eng
Format: epub
ISBN: 978-1-7389614-2-9
Publisher: Mecha Panda Publishing
Published: 2023-11-08T00:00:00+00:00

22

THE WAY WE COPE

LICENSE #3492X3 - DANICA

[MEMORY BANK 37]

I'VE SEEN THE END OF THE WORLD SEVERAL TIMES.. It isn’t a place, but a time, and there is never a constant indicator of when it is coming. It just does and then we leave.

“Fascinating. I wish you would tell me more.” The voice is still here damn it, why won’t it go away?

I must have reset myself over a dozen times.

This thing isn’t giving me any peace.

I sit in one of Lex’s chairs facing the plasmid viewer. The images it cycles through are memory banks from past expeditions. We’ve learned so much–preserved thousands of artifacts–and yet right now in this moment I feel like a child. I don’t want to go outside, I don’t want to leave, I want… silence.

“What species is this?” The silhouette appears next to me. The eyes covering its form are staring ahead at the screen while its body is leaning over in my direction.

I refuse to look at it. “Fuck off. Just stop talking.”

The silhouette shakes its head. “A lady shouldn’t use such language.”

Something in me just snaps. I punch in its general direction and watch as my hand goes through its form. “Why do people on this planet concentrate so much on traditional gender roles? What’s unbecoming is any living thing asserting dominance over those it deems inferior. I will do what I please.”

Its eyes are on me now. “Except when it comes to Lex.”

“Lex and I are equals.”

It pauses and reaches for an empty carton of popcorn. “Based on how you speak about her I think you might be mistaken.” Its hand passes through and I could have sworn I sensed a strong wave of disappointment.

“That is different. I owe her.”

“Explain.”

“I don’t have to, you’re in my mind.”

“Yes, but you are not in control.” The silhouette moves from the viewing seat and makes its way to the side next to a rack of unsorted items. “If you were, then I would be gone–deleted. The fact I’m still here means you’re either weak.” It pauses. “Or I’m getting stronger.”

Bullshit.

I look down at my hands, they’re mine, but it feels like I’m losing a strong piece of my existence.

It’s enough.

This is enough.

I stand and make my way to the storage closet across the room. Inside are general supplies in case the Oshi needs to separate. I press my palm against the lock and hear an audible click as the door begins to open. I pause for a brief moment before pulling out a set of clothes and getting dressed. Black paints, blue shirt, and a pair of gravity boots. Not my colour or my preferred style, but it will do. No one needs to see me like this. I won’t let this get any further out of hand.

“What are you going to do?” The virus is nowhere in sight.

I pick up a fire extinguisher and walk out the door. “What I have to.”

The halls of the Oshi would probably look dull to some, but I can recall moments of happiness, camaraderie and overcoming adversity.

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