ADHD Is Awesome: A Guide to (Mostly) Thriving With ADHD by Penn Holderness & Kim Holderness

Author:Penn Holderness & Kim Holderness [Holderness, Penn & Holderness, Kim]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Tags: Family & Relationships, Attention Deficit Disorder (ADD-ADHD), Health & Fitness, Mental Health, Humor, Topic, Marriage & Family, Psychology, Psychopathology, Attention-Deficit Disorder (ADD-ADHD)
ISBN: 9781400338627
Google: EFrKEAAAQBAJ
Publisher: Harper Horizon
Published: 2024-04-29T22:00:00+00:00

CHAPTER 10

THE ADHD UPSIDES FOR OTHERS

Based on the number of times a day I have to say “I’m sorry” to my family, I sometimes wonder if I am a burden to them. But they have been good enough to point out that my ADHD brings positive things into their lives as well. Let’s look at some of the ways ADHD lifts up the people around us.

COMPASSION—THE BEAUTIFUL BY-PRODUCT

The world can be divided into two groups: people who have thrown out their backs and people who haven’t. If you haven’t, throwing out your back can sound about as bad as a stubbed toe. Yes, yes, it must hurt, but come on, get up off the floor and get to it. There’s life to live. If you have thrown out your back, you know it means hours or even days of the most debilitating pain imaginable. You seriously cannot move. No one who has ever thrown out their back would ever ask someone who is in the middle of a spasm to hand them a glass of water or open the door. Having that painful experience makes you incredibly empathetic.

It’s the same living with ADHD. Those of us with the condition know what it means to struggle, what the hot burn of frustration feels like when you’re trying to tackle an everyday task and can’t seem to pull it off. Our daily bumping up against ADHD makes us deeply empathetic toward other people’s struggles. We are able to look at someone who is having a hard time and go, “Whew, yeah, that looks hard. I’m sorry you’re having a rough time with that,” instead of insisting they simply buck up and get their business together. This makes us really, really good friends to have around. We feel other people’s pain at a core level.

My wife’s empathy and compassion are impressively limitless and profound. She can read about a flood halfway around the world and spend hours feeling the effects. My own empathy and compassion come out more when I see somebody struggling with anything that should be easy for them but isn’t. I feel that deeply. I empathize with how hard it must be to live with something like debilitating depression or anxiety, because I see how that would affect your everyday life. If you’re having a hard time, I feel you.

I know from experience that nobody ever chooses to scream uncontrollably because they want to disturb other people—even if it’s a kid on an airplane who is having a temper tantrum. They can’t help it. I try to shoot those parents some “I get it; you’re doing great” looks. Whether someone is experiencing difficulty at school, or something socially or physically challenging, I have so much respect for how much inner strength it takes them to resist breaking down in defeat.

This empathy has strengthened my marriage. If you’ve seen Kim and me on The Amazing Race, watched our videos, or listened to our podcast, you know my wonderful wife has anxiety and is a total introvert.

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