A Squirrel's Ascension by Virlyce

Author:Virlyce [Virlyce]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Tags: Fiction, Fantasy, Humor
Published: 2020-07-10T04:00:00+00:00

***

The first trial is catching death fish. Once again, my net will be super handy! Except it has to go through a lot of sand too. I thought having small gaps would be useful, but I guess everything has its downsides, huh? If the holes in the net were bigger, sand would fall out faster. Well, it’s not like sand’s a big deal. I can store it in my interspacial ring. Eh? What would I want sand for? I don’t know, but it might be useful in the future. Mhm. …I’m not a hoarder! Don’t judge me for being part squirrel!

“The first trial shall commence. At the end of the hour, only people with ten death fish in their possession may proceed to the next trial.”

Alright, what’s the plan? Treasure Finder’s not here…. She told me the contents of the first three trials, but I only remember the first one. That’s the only one that matters since that’s where I am. Let’s see…, death fish should be attracted to death. So … people have to die. Isn’t this place dangerous? “Hey, barkeep, what do you think?”

“…I think you should give me the Despair God’s armor. If I don’t have it to protect myself, I might die.”

Hmm…. Treasure Finder’s friend said I could sell the Despair God’s armor for a lot if I sold it to the Despair Seeking Sect, but the Despair Seeking Sect, err, fell apart, I think? Their leader was beaten, and their morale was crushed. …Not my fault. They would’ve been beaten by the Slaughter Seeking Sect anyway! Eh? Didn’t the Slaughter Seeking Sect fall apart too? …That’s not my fault either. They would’ve been beaten by the Despair Seeking Sect! Anyways, that means the armor’s useless—mostly because it’s ugly. “Alright, here you go.” Even if it’s valuable, I can just take it back later, but I can’t bring the barkeep back to life if he dies.

After the barkeep finished putting on the armor, which made him look like an ugly turtle, he nodded at me. “Now, you do what you do best.”

Huh? “What I do best?”

The barkeep pointed at the group of death-seeking people, who were eyeing us with weapons and talismans drawn. “Go out there and kill every last one of them.”

Kill everyone? “How is that what I do best!? I’m a good person who avoids death and murder!”

Mrs. Feathers coughed. “Boss, do you really believe that?”

“Uh-huh.” Sure, sometimes I injure people, but getting injured is a part of life! …Selling penises is a part of life too. If people didn’t want to buy them, I wouldn’t be able to sell them! Mm, I suppose dying is a part of life too…. Right, is it so bad if people die anyway? Sure, they don’t want to, but sometimes you have to do things that you don’t want to do. Besides, everyone dies at some point: some earlier than others. Ah. I got distracted. “I’m a good person!”

“Boss…, if you tell someone to kill another person,

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