Women, Sex, Power, and Pleasure by Evelyn Resh

Author:Evelyn Resh
Language: eng
Format: epub, mobi
Tags: ebook, book
Publisher: Hay House
Published: 2013-01-18T16:00:00+00:00

Chronic illnesses, versus acute ones, pose a complicated challenge for women because they are generally remitting-relapsing conditions that can flare up at any time and that almost always impair day-to-day function. Because these conditions never fully resolve and those who live with them often need to adopt habits that will minimize or still their symptoms, invariably, the condition impacts their sense of confidence as well as their general faith and optimism. Living while waiting for the other shoe to drop is stressful and can impose significant limitations. This is especially difficult with chronic pain syndromes like arthritis and fibromyalgia and bowel disorders like Crohn’s disease, severe irritable bowel syndrome, and colitis. It is also true for mood or anxiety disorders. Chronic mental health problems can be especially difficult to live with because of the stigma attached to them and their impact on loving partners. Living with chronic depression alienates people and can seriously impact a loving relationship. Depression and anxiety frustrate those who are afflicted as well as those who love them, especially if many of the elements of a good life are present. The perceived illogic of depression in someone who has the ingredients for good and comfortable living can exacerbate both the symptoms and a mate’s intolerance.

When I am working with a patient who has a condition that isn’t curable but can be well managed, I need to know what relationship they’ve developed with their diagnosis in order to understand how their pleasure-seeking practices and sexual identity will fit into their life. When someone uses a medical diagnosis as their primary identifying feature, then pleasure will be harder to come by than if their diagnosis is in the background of their identity. My objective is to help women identify what works best to ameliorate their symptoms and to use these interventions to both plan for and encourage pleasure and sex. I recommend that women be honest with their partners about their constellation of symptoms while also maintaining their independence as patients in the management of their symptoms. Being treated like the patient will surely have a saltpeter effect on sexuality and pull you away from pleasure quickly and efficiently. Explain this to your partner and make sure he or she understands the difference between being helpful and smothering or infantilizing. Consider the following stories from two clients of mine. They have very different chronic conditions and yet their needs are very much the same when it comes to their sexual lives.

I can take care of myself and my symptoms. I have been doing this since I was a teenager, when I was first diagnosed. It makes me so angry and not at all interested in being sexual when my husband tries to be my nurse. I don’t need that kind of help from him and if I do, I need to be the one to ask for it. When he treats me like a patient or as if I am so delicate that he can’t get near me,

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