Trusted Knowledge for Parents by Culp Barbara D.;

Author:Culp, Barbara D.;
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Rowman & Littlefield Publishers, Incorporated

Part III

Trusted Knowledge for Your Outlook

Honesty Trumps All

Just as you expect your kids to tell you the truth, honesty trumps all when you talk to them.

Honesty trumps all in a parent’s relationship with a child. Honest parents set the best role models for their kids (and even their child’s friends). Dishonesty makes children feel insecure around their parents and destabilizes the home. Honesty in the parent-child relationship strengthens the bond.

Honesty trumps all around school activities. Parents who repeatedly promise to attend special events and then don’t show aren’t being honest with their children or themselves. They aren’t telling their kids the truth about whether they can really make the time to attend. And they are lying to themselves about their true commitment to their child’s academic achievement! Tell their teacher to grade your performance. If you don’t show, they send you an F. If you show up but are grumpy, you get a C minus. When you make the effort to be honestly involved, you’ll get an A every time!

Every interaction with your child is ruled by honesty trumps all. When you don’t tell your kids the truth, you can make them uncomfortable in front of their friends or other adults when your deception is revealed. Children who can count on their parent to tell the truth—even in a bad situation, even when the truth casts the parent in a bad light—knows their parent is trustworthy. You’re human and you make mistakes. Be honest about them and your child will love you even more!

Love Is Not a Contract

Love is not a contract that demands anything—anything—in return.

Love is not a contract struck between you and your children. If you are a parent, your first duty is to love your children unconditionally. Unconditional love gives them an adult they can always turn to. It provides them with a security that is far more important than any fancy home or tasty food. Unconditional love nests within you for as long as you both shall live.

Love is not a contract because you love your child no matter what. You don’t stop loving your son because he failed to achieve. You don’t withhold love from your daughter because she misbehaved. Your love never dies in the face of drugs, crime, or values that don’t match up to your own. Unconditional love is always available to them because there is no contract to break.

One of the hardest jobs for a parent is to maintain love that is not a contract. I want you to remember one thing: Loving your child does not mean that you must help them. At many, many points in their development, you will have to step back and allow them to fly solo. You must do this even if you know that their wings will fail and they will plummet to the ground. Love them enough to allow them to make their own mistakes, even if they keep making the same mistakes. You will always love them but you don’t always have to give them money, food, or a place to live if they are on a path that leads only down.

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