There's Something About Gary by Margaret Lashley

Author:Margaret Lashley [Lashley, Margaret]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Zazzy Ideas, Inc.
Published: 2024-04-09T00:00:00+00:00

Chapter Twenty-Six

My plan to get McNulty on my side had not only backfired—now he thought I wanted to jump his bones!

“Um ... thanks so much for coming. Both of you,” I said, cringing as McNulty and Brady walked out my front door. “I’m so sorry about uh ... everything.”

“Right,” McNulty said, his back to me as he made a beeline for the patrol car.

I closed my front door and slumped against it.

How could this possibly get any worse?

Suddenly, a blood-curdling thought answered my question.

What if McNulty talks to Tom about this? What if he tells him I’m a philandering floozy?

My jaw went slack. Milly was right. I was a magnet for the absurd. But she’d neglected to mention I was also a magnet for disaster. Either she was being kind, or she’d committed a lie of omission. Being my best friend, I guess that kind of came with the territory.

Feeling as limp as overcooked linguine, I chewed my bottom lip and glanced blankly around my living room. A slightly askew sofa cushion sparked a thought.

The couch!

Officer Brady had parked his keister on it—right atop my secret stash of onion rings.

Secret stash of onion rings? Really, Val? What in the world is wrong with you?

Questioning my own sanity, I crept over to the front window and peeked through the blinds. The cops were gone. Sanity, be damned. I snatched the flattened take-out sack out from under the couch cushion and inspected the damage.

To my surprise, the onion rings inside were still in fairly good shape. I couldn’t say the same for the underside of the couch cushion, however. It now bore a grease stain the size and shape of a human head.

Awesome. How am I gonna explain that to Tom?

My gut flopped.

Maybe I’ll never get the chance.

I shuffled despondently to the kitchen and tossed the bag of onion rings into the microwave. After nuking them way longer than I meant to, I grabbed the steaming bag and plopped my sad-sack butt onto the couch.

Propped against the back cushions, I opened the bag—and finally got that facial Milly had been talking about. A full-on onion-grease steam bath to the face.

Awesome.

I allowed the nuclear fission cloud to abate for a minute, then plucked a mangled onion ring from the sack. I dangled its limp remains above my head and dropped it into my awaiting gaping maw, as if feeding a worm to a hungry baby bird.

A hungry, stupid, crazy cuckoo bird.

Download

Copyright Disclaimer:
This site does not store any files on its server. We only index and link to content provided by other sites. Please contact the content providers to delete copyright contents if any and email us, we'll remove relevant links or contents immediately.