The New Nanny by L.G. Davis

Author:L.G. Davis [Davis, L.G.]
Language: eng
Format: epub
ISBN: 9781837904693
Published: 2023-09-10T16:00:00+00:00

TWENTY-THREE

ROBIN

April, 2021

It has finally happened. Today’s a day I cannot put into words: the day I found out I’m going to be a mother, although I won’t get to hold my little one in my arms until many months from now. When the two red lines appeared on the pregnancy test a week ago, it was like a miracle had happened and today my doctor confirmed it. My miracle is real and it’s growing within me.

As I write these words, the feelings of joy and excitement I feel are so overwhelming that I can barely contain them. I’m overcome with emotion at the thought of welcoming my own child into this world… a feeling that cannot be matched.

From the outside, everyone already refers to me as a mother, Wyatt’s mother. Legally, he is my son. During the adoption process, I was desperate to have him. Paul and I did everything that was required, going above and beyond to make sure he was ours. The day the papers were signed was one of the happiest days of my life. I could not wait to give him a life he would otherwise have been denied. I wanted to love him, to protect him.

We opened our home to him to give him a new start, and from the moment he was placed in my arms, I fell head over heels in love. His eyes, so large and the color of honey, seemed to understand who I was to him. When he smiled, my heart felt like it was an inch from exploding. His small hands would reach for my face and I’d respond by giving him a kiss on each one.

Despite the sleep deprivation that comes with being a new parent, I chose never to hire a babysitter as I couldn’t stand to be apart from my little boy. Nights became our favorite time together. After a long but wonderful day, I’d go sit in the rocking chair with him until he drifted off to sleep.

I was content, but as the years passed, moments of wanting my biological child grew more frequent. During those times, sorrow would come over me and I could feel myself pushing Wyatt away. I’d make up for those moments, giving him more hugs and kisses so he wouldn’t feel neglected. Even when he was young, he could sense my distance. His clinginess was palpable, as was his frustration during temper tantrums when I didn’t give him enough attention, no matter how much I gave.

I did my best to be there for him, to show him he was loved, but it was never enough. He started wanting more than I could give and looked for ways to please me, to seek my approval. After a while, it all became too much and I found myself pulling away even more, and the more he tried to bridge the gap between us, the further apart we grew.

The distance between us kept growing until, one night, something inside me broke, and it hit me hard that the love I had for the little boy was gone and I felt nothing for him.

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