The Likely Resolutions of Oliver Clock by Riley Jane

Author:Riley, Jane [Riley, Jane]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Published: 2020-01-31T16:00:00+00:00

General Improvements

When Jean finally returned, Mum was still loitering, bemoaning the lack of clientele. I suggested we congregate in my office. If I didn’t tell Mum about the survey, Jean would, so I decided there would be no delay; we may as well do it together. I pulled out the two apricot-coloured guest chairs for them to sit on. They had been top of the line in their day, the fabric a quality linen, the squareness of the style ‘on trend’, but now they reeked of the early 1990s, neither fashionably retro nor dismally tattered. The curtains were a similar shade and my dark wood desk large and imposing – a hangover of a twenty-five-year-old Doreen makeover.

‘What do you mean, a survey?’ Mum asked.

‘Jean?’ I said, as I needed enlightening as well.

‘I’ve had such a great time talking to the locals,’ she gushed, and having seen her at work, I knew she wasn’t exaggerating.

‘Really, Jean.’ Mum sounded displeased, as if our standing in the community meant we were above talking to people in the street. ‘Alright, go on, what did they say?’

‘The general consensus is that people look for professionalism, experience and trustworthiness in a funeral home. But first impressions count and at the moment we’re not doing so well. We’re perceived as outdated and stuck in the past.’

‘ Mon Dieu! Have these people stepped inside?’

‘I doubt their views would change, Mum,’ I muttered, looking at the has-been decor and drab furnishings in my office.

‘I think that’s being unfair.’

‘The idea of a funeral home using social media was met with nervous laughter.’

‘Social media?’ Mum said. ‘Who would want to see pictures of someone’s embalmed uncle?’

I was impressed Jean had thought to include social media and wondered how it would work. ‘If it was done the right way, maybe?’ I suggested. ‘We could post inspirational quotes, links to stories about how to help someone grieve, or images of unusual sarcophaguses, like the beautiful cast-glass one recently made for the Danish queen . . .’

‘That’s absurd,’ Mum said. ‘What we need is a new sign so people know we’re here. Not a Facebook account to lower the tone of the industry.’

‘Yes, we do need a new sign,’ I said. ‘But maybe a Clock & Son makeover wouldn’t be a bad thing.’

‘Just because the new place has marble . . .’

‘I don’t mean with marble. Perhaps a paint job, new carpet?’

‘But we did a renovation in 1998,’ Mum said. ‘Your father upgraded the embalming tables and we painted the inside “egg white”.’

‘That was years ago. The egg white is now egg yolk.’

‘You can’t get rid of the wood panelling.’

‘Maybe we could stain it a lighter colour?’ Jean suggested.

‘The chandelier in the viewing room is definitely staying,’ Mum insisted. ‘It’s been there since Clock & Son was first established.’

I may not have loved the chandelier with its crookedly sitting mock-candle lights and the clusters of crystal drops in regular need of dusting, but I had to agree with Mum that it was impossible to imagine the room without it.

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