The How-Not-To Guide to Parenting and Marriage by Jon Ziegler

Author:Jon Ziegler [Jon Ziegler]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Tags: Family & Relationships, Family Relationships, Fiction, Short Stories (Single Author)
ISBN: 9780615885575
Google: 7nF2ONjUeqEC
Amazon: B00CPUSTVU
Publisher: Jon Ziegler
Published: 2013-05-09T07:00:00+00:00

32. HELPFUL HOUSEHOLD TIPS

Here's a few helpful hints for the husband who likes to help out around the house, but is not quite as household savvy as he might think he is:

1. There is NO amount of liquid hand dish washing soap that is small enough, that it won't cause the dishwasher to erupt and flow suds all over the kitchen floor like a volcano.

2. You cannot double the oven temperature of a casserole in an attempt to cut the baking time in half, without resulting in an episode that involves flame, soot, and possibly a meet and greet with the local fire department.

3. If you are the intellectual type, like myself, you might think that applying deodorant to the dog’s armpits might make him smell less like a dog. And indeed, it does work for the short period of time between application, and the dog licking it off, causing vomiting and diarrhea all over the living room carpet.

4. Using a leaf blower to speed up the task of dusting, doesn’t actually remove the dust from the house. It simply causes the dust to be airborne for a period of time, and makes all humans, cats and dogs sneeze until the dust has once again settled. It is also impossible to dust the shelf displaying your wife’s heirloom antique plates, without sending them crashing to the floor.

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