The Diary of a Divorce by Isolde

Author:Isolde
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Panoma Press Ltd

CHAPTER NINE

“A belief in a supernatural source of evil is not necessary; men alone are quite capable of every wickedness.”

Joseph Conrad, Under Western Eyes

Linda’s is the first face I see as I enter the health club changing rooms today. She looks as beautiful as the last time I saw her (approximately 15 years ago on a Vogue shoot).

Did I sit in the front row watching her on the catwalks of Paris and Milan, or have I gone mad?

We chat a little until I unwittingly catch sight of my own face in the mirror, and any self-confidence I might ever have possessed, seeps down through my toes into the cracks in the floor.

I long for a black hole to swallow me up. Would not take more than a pothole: two dress sizes down and still shrinking.

If I do not bounce back post-divorce, I will take a long look at the blade of the surgeon’s knife.

* * *

This morning I drowsily snuggled up to an empty space where Colette usually nestles from early morning. It must take time for her to get used to it too.

* * *

I am not ready to find Francis because I do not know if I’m any wiser than I was. What if my taste is still faulty? He might turn out to be another monster.

I receive a marvellous letter from a rich friend, who majestically dismisses my change of name and address on my new cards by saying,

“I guess I’m behind with the news,”

Before cataloguing the seismic upheaval caused by her cleaner’s departure.

The rich are different…

Musing about shoulders I once leant on and then find I cannot think of any! Hilarious. Or not.

I dreamed of having interrupted sex with Bob Geldof last night. The interrupted part I get, it is the Bob Geldof bit I do not understand!

I laugh out loud, her taste in men seems pretty sound to me.

I shall end up like Betjeman whose only regret was wishing he’d “had more sex.”

Two years of court battles. People say G will get bored, but he will not; he has got nothing else to do and his determination to punish me blinds him to the damage he wreaks on Colette.

I put down the diary. She sounds sad.

* * *

Henry’s 40th birthday party: I was propositioned by a couple, and it took a long time for me to understand that they were committed to threesomes.

Is this what single life heralds?

* * *

Odd conversation with Billy, who was offended when I said his first wife was grumpy. “She was not grumpy,” he snapped.

Refreshing to hear someone defend their ex.

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