The Astonishing Anniversaries of James and David, Part One by M J Dees

Author:M J Dees
Language: eng
Format: epub
Tags: james, david, astonishing, anniversaries, hull
Publisher: M J Dees
Published: 2018-05-02T00:00:00+00:00

1994

Amy and James shelter under the duvet.

“Shall we get up?” asks Amy.

“I didn’t hear him go out yet,” says James.

“I can’t stand being trapped in here,” she says.

“He’ll try to charge us extra if he knows you’ve been staying with me.”

“How long is this going to go on for? I thought we were getting our own place.”

“But we need a deposit.”

“Well, I’ve got my savings, and we’re both earning enough now to get a mortgage, so can we see some places please?”

“Okay. Shh. I think I can hear him. He’s going out. Quick, get ready.”

“Thank God for that,” says Amy as she leaps out of bed. “I’m dying for a wee.”

She rushes out of the bedroom and through the kitchen into the bathroom. No sooner has she left than James hears a key in the Yale lock of the front door.

“Oh shit,” James says to himself. He struggles to get dressed and get himself between his landlord and the bathroom.

“Charlie,” says James as he pretends to make himself a cup of tea. “I thought you’d left.”

“I had,” says Charlie, his 50-year-old landlord with very puritan views on cohabitation before marriage. “But I got to the end of the path when I realised I needed a pee. Excuse me.”

Charlie pushes past James towards the bathroom door. James struggles to think of a reason Charlie shouldn’t go to the bathroom, but comes up with nothing.

“It’s locked,” says Charlie. “Is someone in there?”

“No,” says James, trying to sound innocent. “Let me try.”

James walks over to the door ready to find it locked and is already planning an excuse about how the bolt must have closed itself and how James will try to fix it while Charlie rushes out to use the toilet in the pub on the corner. But when he tries the door it opens, and he peers inside to see that Amy is standing in the bath and has drawn the shower curtain in front of herself. Charlie would spot her for sure.

“Excuse me,” says Charlie. “But I need to.”

Again, James can’t think of a good reason he shouldn’t let Charlie pass except for that his girlfriend is in there, hiding in the bath with no clothes on. James moves out of the way and lets Charlie past, waits outside the bathroom door ready for all hell to break loose. He can hear Charlie’s urine cascading into the water at the bottom of the toilet bowl. It stops, a few drops more, a pause and a flush. James holds his breath, waiting for a shout, but none comes. The sound of running water and the door opens. Charlie comes out, surprised to see James still stood outside the bathroom door.

“You okay, James?” Charlie says. “If it’s about the rat, I put some wire wool in the hole, and I have seen no droppings since. I think we’ve seen the last of him.”

“No, it’s not that,” James shakes off his disbelief enough to communicate. “I need the bathroom.”

“OK, see you later,” says

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