Ten Thousand I Love Yous by Lisa Slabach

Author:Lisa Slabach [Slabach, Lisa]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Tags: Women's Fiction
Publisher: BookBaby
Published: 2021-09-19T19:29:03+00:00

Chapter 17

Late September

FIRST TIME SINGLE

“Theory Testing”

The other day, I read on the internet that according to a recent poll, men think about sex every seven seconds. I find this hard to believe and consider the anonymous poll scientifically dubious. If it were true, how would any serious work get done? How would bridges be built? Books written? I can’t imagine Tom Brady in the middle of a play, searching for an open receiver, then pausing to consider whether he would get lucky after the game. I simply can’t imagine it. Of course, Tom would get lucky; Gisele adores him.

The article got me thinking about a human sexuality class I had taken in college. My professor had taught a more plausible theory that teenage boys think about sex literally all the time, whereas a grown man thinks about it at the most every four minutes, but more likely, whenever he has mental downtime. He claimed most men perform an automatic sexual evaluation of almost every female they meet, a quick yes or no of potential.

At the time, I was married and insanely in love with my husband. Disturbed by my new knowledge, I asked if he agreed with the theory. At first, he dodged answering, but eventually concurred. He claimed for him the phenomenon was fast, and most of the time he was only semi-conscious of it. For a while after his confession, I had scrutinized my ex-husband’s interaction with other women. His eyes would scan them over and his expression would say, “Yes,” because she had nicely shaped breasts or some other attractive feature. Then, it would say, “No,” because he was married. Once the “no” was established, he wouldn’t give the woman a second thought. At some point, I tuned it out because I stopped viewing his behavior as a threat. Of course, he must have started thinking, “Yes, yes, yes,” because he did leave me, the rat bastard.

Being single, I had to rethink the theory, and not because I sought an explanation for why my ex walked. No, if knowledge was power, then ladies, I was convinced this bit of information gave me an advantage. I went with two basic assumptions: one, men think about sex frequently, and two, single men are constantly evaluating the sexual possibilities of every new woman they meet.

Why should a fear of rejection stop me from walking into a bar or striking up a conversation while waiting in line at a coffee house? I am not a perfect ten by any stretch of the imagination, but I’m not unattractive either. After all, my ex-husband is handsome, and my first post-divorce guy was featured in a calendar without his shirt.

Surely, all I would have to do is smile, or give some other small indication I was open to conversation and social interaction, and men would want to talk to me to explore the possibilities. I had power over the traffic light. A frown indicates stop, a smile proceed with caution, and a wink a clear indication of go, dog go.

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