Self-Care for the Real World by Nadia Narain

Author:Nadia Narain
Language: eng
Format: epub
ISBN: 9781473544703
Publisher: Random House

HEARTBREAK

‘Risk is the core cost of human connection.’ Amanda Palmer

YOUR HEARTBREAK MAY be recent and you don’t know what to do with yourself, except lie on the sofa listening to sad songs on repeat. If the heartbreak is older, you’ve gone on about it to friends and family, likely more than once and possibly after a few drinks. Maybe they’ve started to talk about online dating, saying it’s time to move on, and you just want to scream.

Heartbreak comes in all shapes and sizes. Either way, it feels pretty shitty and you’re sick of running to the loos to cry at inconvenient times. Then, if you don’t seem to be feeling any better when everyone says you’re ‘meant to’, you can start worrying about that, too.

First thing: stop beating yourself up about being sad. If you break your leg you’re expected to take some time to heal, right? Nobody is going to expect you to run a marathon the next week. The cast protects the leg until the bone has healed. Then, and only then, are you expected to be able to have the plaster removed and show the world your skinny, pale, hairy leg! But we don’t give heartbreak the same care or time that we give to a broken bone.

Friends and family are usually able to listen for the first few weeks, when you need to get it off your chest, but after a while you might feel you can’t inflict it on them any more. Don’t beat yourself up or feel like a loser for having feelings. Instead, you need to think of this as a time to put your heart in a plaster cast. There is something to be said for sitting with the sad emotions for an allocated, specific period of time, and really feeling them. That doesn’t mean you won’t feel them again afterwards, of course you will, but you need to get right into that sadness and let it move through you, rather than pretend it’s not there and keep it stuck inside.

The time it will take to heal isn’t predictable and doesn’t always reflect the importance of the relationship; sometimes a super-long, healthy relationship can take hardly any time to get over compared to a short fling with someone who rejected you, which can feel like forever. This is fine, too, just let yourself feel the way you feel.

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