Remembrance Wall by Drake Taki & Donnelly Summer & Kern B B & Kim Freddie & Endicott Kris

Author:Drake, Taki & Donnelly, Summer & Kern, B B & Kim, Freddie & Endicott, Kris
Language: eng
Format: epub
Tags: Remembrance Wall
Publisher: All Chaos Press
Published: 2019-09-02T00:00:00+00:00

Chapter 13 – Moving on With Life

I graduated from high school and found a job at the mall. Dad went every Friday to get my paycheck because “we all had to do our part” in the family. I wasn’t allowed to get my license or learn to drive. I walked from our hotel room to the store and then back again. I was a prisoner with no way out.

Except, maybe, suicide.

Life was out of control, and sometimes, it hurt so badly. Pain swirled in my mind, and I was trapped in a situation I couldn’t change. My feelings ebbed and flowed with the weight of the ocean, and I was desperate for relief from all of it. I found relief with the razor. The overwhelming miasma of my emotions and then… bliss.

I cut to quiet the cacophony. I cut to end abstract agony and to prove I was whole. Momma cried when she saw the array of neat, even slice-shaped cuts along my belly. She didn’t understand it was the only way I had to make the pain stop. The razor sang to me, in all its beautiful, silver glory. Its voice calmed me and assured me that everything would be okay.

Around this time, I started having problems with randomly passing out. This was probably the beginning of the end of my now sixteen-year-old heart valve. The doctors put me on sleeping pills because I couldn’t sleep. I didn’t dare tell them I couldn’t sleep because I couldn’t trust Dad not to wake me up with his heavy fists and cruel kicks. I was put on anxiety medications, but I was still living in the same inescapable situation.

It was a nausea-inducing merry-go-round with no way out and no way off.

When I was eighteen, I ran away with the first boy, who was kind to me. I had no idea that I jumped from the frying pan into the fire. He took me to Florida and hurt me. I didn’t understand what I was doing wrong. Why was my judgment so flawed? Momma said it was because Gerald destroyed my compass.

But I didn’t know any of that as he tied me up for days at a time with only the lonely wail of the train as it went through town to keep me company. Momma said I was brave to mastermind an escape by telling him that Daniella was sick and I had to go see her. I probably should have called my grandparents, but they would have sent me back to my Dad anyway.

Dad made sure no one would believe me. They didn’t believe Mom, why would they believe me? Besides, what could I say? Your son is a child molester and a rapist. It would destroy them if they believed me. It would ruin me if they didn’t. It was far, far better to live with my own disconnect.

When I was nineteen, I met a boy named Lance. Weird, huh? To date a boy with the same name as your brother.

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