Pushing Upward by Andrea Adler

Author:Andrea Adler
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Hay House, Inc.
Published: 2012-02-14T16:00:00+00:00

Chapter 19

Bites on dried gristly meat.

Receives metal arrows.

It furthers one to be mindful of difficulties …

The next morning I sat up in bed wondering what to do. The memory of the rape kept looping over and over in my brain: the details of that night, the fact that I hadn’t remembered it, the invasion of my privacy, and my brother’s betrayal. I needed to tell someone, get the weight off my heart, but who? I couldn’t tell Emma, not yet anyway. And it was too early to call Rachel.

Michigan! It was two hours later there. Someone would be home.

I jumped out of bed, threw on my coat over my pajamas, laced up my gym shoes, and tiptoed past Emma’s door. As the images of the memory continued to well up, I jogged to the nearest pay phone on Sunset.

The phone kept ringing. Finally, someone picked up.

“Hello.” It was my mother.

“Mom, it’s Sandra. I have to tell you something. Remember those nightmares I used to have? The ones with the scary shadows and … well, the whole thing came back to me in living color. The shadows were of Steven and his friend Lenny. Lenny raped me, Mom … and Steven set it up. It all came back.”

“What? What are you talking about? Are you insane?”

“I know it’s hard to believe. But that was what those dreams were about. Lenny got on top of me and he stuck his … but Steven was right there. He put him up to it. Steven was right outside the door, and—”

“What the hell are you trying to do, kill me? Because that’s what you’re doing!”

“It really happened, Mom. I saw the whole thing, clear as day. You have to believe me.”

“You are a liar, Sandra Billings. All adolescents explore. But you have to take it to the extreme, don’t you? You have to be the drama queen, don’t you? Enough!”

“Mom, this was not something I made up! It was real.”

“Well, deal with it! Just don’t involve us with this … this filth. And, do us a favor. Forget about coming home. You’re not welcome here.”

She hung up.

I could hardly breathe. I sat there in the phone booth, numb, my hand still on the receiver. I wasn’t surprised she didn’t believe me. She’d responded true to style. Well … the hell with her. I don’t have a home. Home is where they believe you.

I got up, hung up the phone, and opened the door. I had to walk. I needed to move, pull myself together. With no destination in mind, I started down Sunset. As the cars and trucks streamed by, and a light drizzle misted the air, I knew she wouldn’t believe me. Who was I kidding? Did I really think she’d sympathize with me? She never had before. I kept walking and tried to unearth details about the event.

Steven knew exactly what was going to happen behind that door. And I knew why he’d done it. Steven hated me from the day I was born.

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