Parentally Incorrect by Shayna Ferm

Author:Shayna Ferm
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Health Communications, Inc.
Published: 2018-07-23T16:00:00+00:00

Okay, time to fess up. Did you think you knew exactly how things were gonna go down when you became a parent? It’s just us here, so admit it: did you actually roll your eyes while watching other frazzled parents try to wrangle their kids and then say to yourself, How hard is it to just take a shower and put on some lipstick? Do you know what you were doing to yourself? You were lying.

Below is a little list of lies. These are the lies we told ourselves BEFORE we started raising humans, before we had a clue, when we were filled with all the parental optimism and confidence in the world. We even turned it into a song in our show so everyone can sing about these together, because chances are you’ve told yourself a few of these lies, too. So enjoy the throwbacks to your former, clueless self, and realize how far you’ve come!

1. I’ll have a weekly date night

A promise you make with your partner pre-baby that also costs more money, time, and energy than you have.

2. I’ll breastfeed until I’m ready to stop

This may be true for some lucky mamas, and may be touted to be true by every site you Google in your despair, but sometimes breastfeeding doesn’t work out exactly like you planned. And they grow up anyway.

3. I’ll still have disposable income

No you won’t. Because of Pinterest.

4. I’ll have time to hit the gym

Sure you will. You’ll go to a gym with free childcare, where your baby is always happy, never has a blow out, and never leaves with rotavirus. So, when hell freezes over . . .

5. I’ll only feed my children organic food

You will try, God bless you.

6. I won’t want an epidural

Even if you successfully birth at home in a tub surrounded by midwives, doulas, and fairies, at some point during the process you will want an epidural.

7. Unisex toys only

No progressive parent wants to perpetuate the “pink for girls, blue for boys” stigma, but it’s scientifically proven that the harder you try to keep your daughter away from baby dolls, the more princess dresses she will wear and refuse to take off.

8. I’ll just bring the baby in the shower with me

Two things about this: 1) You deserve five minutes to yourself; and 2) Babies are slippery.

9. I’ll have a social life

Yes you will—but not with your friends. With a glass of wine.

10. My breasts will stay the same

Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!!!

Download

Copyright Disclaimer:
This site does not store any files on its server. We only index and link to content provided by other sites. Please contact the content providers to delete copyright contents if any and email us, we'll remove relevant links or contents immediately.