Naughty or Nice by Eric Jerome Dickey

Author:Eric Jerome Dickey
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Penguin Group US

I was almost at Tommie’s Jeep when an Escalade passed by me, then slowed down. It was chromed out, had twenty-four inch-wheels and rims that kept spinning when the tires stopped moving. That was what I called SUGS—Straight Up Ghetto Shit. I used to call it SUNS, but I’ve been trying to cut back on using the N-word. His eyes were on me, already slowing down to get his mack on. Damn. I pretended I didn’t hear him toot his horn or see his window roll down.

He yelled, “Nigga, I know you see me. You ain’t that damn pretty.”

“Who the—” I looked and saw a dark-skinned brother wearing a bright yellow velour FUBU sweatsuit, his Raiders hat turned sideways. “Do I know you?”

“Ray Ray, fool.”

“Ray Ray? Man, when you get out?”

He double-parked and pissed a few people off, then hopped his slim butt out of his ride and hurried to me, sweatpants sagging so low it looked like his crotch was below his knees.

He said, “Damn, Cousin. Fat Frankie done lost a lot of weight.”

“Dag, Ray Ray. How many more muscles and tattoos you plan on getting?”

We laughed and I asked him about the rest of the Wimberly side of our family, people who lived on the other side of the 110. I hadn’t been down that way in years.

I asked, “What happened to your girl Shellei?”

“We divorced.”

“Didn’t know you two jumped the broom.”

“Did my time with her.” He chewed a toothpick. “She was worse than my parole officer, so I gave her the boot. Sent her back up on Pico to her crazy-ass momma’s three-room crib.”

“Where the kids?”

“Hennessy and Alize are staying with me. They getting big.”

“I hear you. What about Paula?”

“Man, I love my sister, but Paula got so many kids, have to call ’em by their last names to keep ’em straight. That’s why she lost her job at the gas company. Had to keep trying to find somebody to take care of those bad-ass kids. Daycare put ’em out because they kept fighting and tearing up the classroom and trying to burn the place down.”

“What happened to Rashonda?”

“She got caught up in some mess with a gangbanger.” He made a motion toward his nose, sniffed, and I understood. “Police caught her in one of those high-speed chases. It was on television. Her big butt tried to run, big-ass titties just flopping up and down and side to side, hitting her all up side the head and shit. Got it on tape if you want to see it.”

“Maybe you can show it at the next family reunion.”

“Damn, you look like Grandma Willie Mae every time I see you.”

Somebody blew their horn at us. One look at Ray Ray and they sped away.

“Look, playa—” I checked my watch. “Traffic is a bear and I gotta get across town.”

“We need to exchange digits before you bi-zounce.”

We did and I hugged him again. There was nothing like family, no matter how ghetto they were. Had to remind myself there was a lot of love for us on the other side of the 110.

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