Jack of Hearts (and other parts) by L. C. Rosen

Author:L. C. Rosen
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Little, Brown Books for Young Readers
Published: 2018-10-30T04:00:00+00:00

MY KNEES FEEL WOBBLY SO I SIT ON THE BED.

“Is that your coat?” Ricky asks. “What happened to it?”

The world feels grayer, somehow, like the actual edges of my vision are turning gray, and I keep staring at the two halves of my coat and the scissors, all on this one piece of string, like some freaky kid mobile.

“Um,” I say. I turn back to Ricky. He looks worried. And not, like, just worried that his sure-thing virginity-losing is about to go up in smoke, but worried for me, which is sweet. “I think we’re going to have to reschedule.”

“Oh,” he says.

“I want to,” I say quickly. My brain is spinning. “But this is… a thing now. And I need to call Jenna.” As I say it, I remember I have a phone, and I take it out of my pocket and call her. No answer.

Ricky sits next to me on the bed and puts his hand on my knee. “You okay?”

“Sure, sure,” I say. I am not okay. This was supposed to be over. I was really starting to believe it was. And now it’s not over. It’s very far from it. I start flipping through the jackets, looking for an origami note, some demand I can fulfill so they’ll leave me alone. Whatever it takes. Maybe it’s Brian, and I just have to fuck him again. Or it’s Jeremy, and I have to stop the column. Or maybe it’s even Holden, and I just have to give him secret blowjobs until graduation—fine, fine. Any of those things. As long as this stops.

I try calling Jenna again. She picks up, breathless.

“What? Aren’t you here? Why are you calling?”

“Where are you?” I ask.

“Oh… where are you?”

“The bedroom… with the coats.” I know my voice sounds funny. Ricky is looking at me weird.

“I’ll be there in a second,” she says. There’s mumbling on her end of the phone and she shushes someone. “Just a second.”

I hang up and look at Ricky and try to smile, but I know it’s not my usual sexy smile. I feel the furthest thing from sexy. “I… can you not tell anyone about this?”

“What’s going on, Jack? Maybe I can help.”

“No.” I shake my head. “You’re sweet to offer. And I am definitely going to fuck you sideways… just not tonight, okay? Here.” I hand him my phone. “Put your number in.”

“Okay,” he says like a question, and takes the phone. “If you don’t want to, that’s cool. Your column said rejection is something that happens.”

“It is, but it’s not happening now, I promise.” I put my hand on his leg and I feel like I should lean in and kiss him, but my mouth feels dry and sandpapery, and it would be his first kiss, I think, so I don’t want to fuck that up for him. I feel bad, like a cock tease, which isn’t the guy I want to be, but any chance of my feeling at all sexy is gone. I stare at the scissors.

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