I Am Not Sidney Poitier by Percival Everett

Author:Percival Everett
Language: eng
Format: epub
ISBN: 978-1-55597-019-2
Publisher: Graywolf Press
Published: 2010-08-22T04:00:00+00:00

Ted was pleased to hear of my bold move into the media business. I was surprised, however, to learn that not only had he not prompted it, he’d known nothing of Podgy’s advice to me. We were sitting in a Church’s fried-chicken restaurant. We’d entered at his insistent, whining request. His lips, his face, and fingers were shiny with grease.

“Jane would shit her yoga pants if she saw me eating like this,” he said. “I no doubt will later.”

“Nice image, thanks.”

“Sorry about that.”

“Why are you eating this stuff?”

“A media mogul.” He nodded. “You’ll do great.”

“I won’t be involved in running the thing,” I told him. “I decided to put Podgy in charge.”

Ted poked at some chicken skin with his finger. “I don’t believe Podgy knows anything about running a company.”

“He knows more than I do.”

“I wonder if the skin is good for you. I can’t imagine it is. It tastes good, I know that.”

“If the network fails, it fails,” I said.

“That’s the spirit. How are classes?”

“Fine. Most are boring, predictable, and nondescript. And then there’s Everett. He’s a nut. No one knows what the hell he’s talking about.”

“Must be a genius,” Ted said.

“He’s an idiot. He admits to being a phony.”

“What network is it?” he asked.

“N-E-T.”

“The black soul station,” he said. “I actually thought about buying that once. Then I figured I’d be stepping out of my comfort zone. As if that ever stopped me before.”

“I’m out of mine, I can tell you that.”

“I wonder how astronauts go to the bathroom? And how much do they eat? Can you get fat in a weightless environment?” He chewed more chicken, then laughed to himself. “Not to sound racist, which, being American I no doubt am, you’d better watch Podgy. Next thing you know you’ll have shows on the air called Punjabi Profiles and Getting Down on the Ganges.”

“You’re right, that is kind of racist.”

“Your point being?”

“Well, I wouldn’t mind if he did program stuff like that.”

“I think I left the front door unlocked at the ranch in Montana. People always think of blue as a cool color, but the hottest part of a flame is blue, so blue is actually a hot color.”

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