How to Survive a Horror Movie by Seth Grahame-Smith

Author:Seth Grahame-Smith [Grahame-Smith, Seth]
Language: eng
Format: epub, mobi, pdf
Tags: Humor, Form, Parodies, Fiction, Horror, Performing Arts, Film & Video, General
ISBN: 9781594745683
Google: PVfZ_zypYsQC
Amazon: B004ZACEJ6
Publisher: Quirk Books
Published: 2007-01-01T11:00:00+00:00

3. DETERMINE HOW THE OBJECT CAME INTO YOUR POSSESSION. If any of these sound familiar, the object is almost certainly evil:

You unearthed it. Here’s a cardinal horror movie rule: Anything you cover with dirt becomes evil. Whether you’re an archeologist or gardener, objects found buried in the earth should be left there, no matter if they’re one or 1,000,000 years old.

You bought it at a charming antique shop. Oops … all antiques are evil. Even worse, they come with a no-returns policy. (If you run back to the store to return it, you’ll invariably discover that the store burned down 10 years ago. Ahhhhhhhh!!!!)

You found it next to a smoking crater. As a rule, any object found in the vicinity of a smoking crater, whether resulting from a meteor strike or alien crash, should not be touched.

It was handed to you by a pale, sweaty priest who mumbled something about “seeing the face of the beast,” then died. Ouch. You’d better pray he was high on LSD.

You stole it. You’re toast. In horror movies, anything you take from its rightful owner comes with a 100-percent-cursed guarantee.

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