How to Have a SHIT Relationship by J. L. Dent

Author:J. L. Dent
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Anatta Books
Published: 2024-08-16T00:00:00+00:00

TWENTY-ONE

Meredith

Sunlight flooded the room, disorientating Meredith with its glare. It hadn’t yet dawned on her as to where she was. In a foetal coil on the bed, she surveyed the room, trying to discern her place in space and time, assessing faint shadows on the wall like a sundial.

It was safer lying like this, comforted by her primordial shape. Not wanting to move: she was sick of moving, of doing, of worrying, of trying, all of which amounted to nothing. To just be for a moment felt better, to bathe in the puddle of warmth. She inhaled the clean fragrance of the pillow. Even the slight dribble that had left her mouth while asleep could stay there. She’d had enough of being who she was and was having a break from herself.

A skylark busily chattered outside. Maybe everything was okay, and perhaps there was nothing to worry about. This new way of thinking had a fluidity to it.

Then the gardener, frozen naked on the laptop screen in her house, stole back into her mind.

More stark images from the morning followed: the video call, Maya’s smug tones, and then, shuddering, the raku vase shattering against the wall. Where had that frightful rage come from?

She watched them like a train passing in the distance, a train she wasn’t about to get on.

The walls around her now weren’t the familiar walls she was used to. Those were monstrous, rarely allowing the zenith of the sun to rise above them. Now, the room had some air and light.

Colin Hathaway, her first love, fluttered into mind. His delicate face open to life.

If she’d have stayed with Colin, things would have been very different.

Unthinkable really.

His soft eyes. His shy smile. His sincerity. Those warm, enfolding arms.

How stupid she was to be thinking such silly thoughts. Like a teenager.

He was probably married now with kids.

When she introduced Colin to the family, her father had gone apoplectic with rage.

He can’t even afford a car, were his words once Colin had left.

Colin had been her first and Daniel had been her last; there’d been no one in between.

Growing up had been a dreary existence. From the age of eight, only ever home in the holidays.

There was no sex education back then. She and the other boarders would snog their own arm in preparation for their first boyfriends.

Even thinking about sex felt dangerous. The house mistress, who the girls referred to as Nurse Ratchet, would punish you for not wearing your boater, so God knows what would happen if you were caught doing anything sexual.

Life thankfully renewed when going to Oxford to study history; the freshness of youth permitted exemption from the tyranny of her past. It was pure heaven: cafés, pubs, bicycles, cigarettes, no curfews and Colin.

Colin was one of those very few lower-class people to get into Oxford.

Reminiscing about Colin was more frequent these days. Normally, there was an automatic response to chase away the renegade thoughts, reminding herself she was married, and anyway, his lack of social standing would never have worked.

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