House of Holes by Nicholson Baker

Author:Nicholson Baker
Language: eng
Format: mobi, epub, azw3
Publisher: Simon & Schuster
Published: 2011-08-08T21:00:00+00:00

Dennis Explores Mindy’s Purse

Dennis, a traveling teacher, went to a city to give his two-day fund-raising seminar for nonprofits, “How to Get Other People to Give You All the Money They Have.” After he was done he waited in line at the hotel to check out. A woman got in line behind him. He turned and recognized her from his seminar.

“I enjoyed the class,” said the woman, who had a kindly face and dark hair that didn’t quite touch her shoulders. “I liked how few euphemisms you used. You never once said ‘issue.’ ”

“Thanks,” Dennis said.

“It was a lot of money for just two days, though.”

He asked her what kind of nonprofit work she did, and she told him that she was working on a documentary about women in a remote region of Estonia who sing while they masturbate. “We’ve got some great material,” she said. “It’s just a question of editing it down. We’re looking for investors.”

“Ah,” said Dennis. “What’s your name?”

“Mindy.”

Just then two different people at the counter said, “I can help you over here.” Dennis the traveling instructor and Mindy the filmmaker went up and paid their bills and signed, and then they were done. They walked toward the door and stopped for a minute feeling a warm breeze.

“Your seminar has given me the confidence to ask for what I want,” said Mindy.

She’s smart in a certain way that I really like, thought Dennis. And he thought: I really don’t want to walk out of this lobby without talking to her more. “I hate this feeling,” he said finally.

“What feeling?” she asked.

“The feeling of having just talked to you for a moment and now you’re leaving.”

“Would you enjoy a stick of gum?” Mindy asked. “Sometimes gum can alleviate the pain.”

“Yes, I would,” said Dennis.

She reached in her purse and pulled out a packet of gum. He unwrapped a stick and began chewing it vigorously. Immediately, yellow and pink stars came twirling in from the edge of his vision.

“This is good gum!” he said.

“It’s special gum,” she said. “Every time you chew, a woman in Estonia is having a singing orgasm.”

“Mmm!” He chewed, his jaw working noisily. “Utterly delicious. I could chew this all day long.” He looked down. “What else have you got in that dark, strange purse of yours?”

“In here?” she asked, holding the flap open wider so he could peer into its depths. “Why don’t you take a look?”

Dennis leaned, bringing his head close to the compartmented opening. He could smell the leathery smell, and he thought he could also smell more sticks of gum, and her checkbook, and her lipstick. But he didn’t smell any money.

“Do you have a tiny address book in there?” he asked.

“Yes, I do.”

“May I reach in and give a squeeze to your tiny little address book?”

“You may.” She held the purse out to him and Dennis gingerly reached in. He felt around for a moment, found her keys, and then under it came across the tiny book.

“Ooh, I’m squeezing it,” he said.

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