Godbody by Theodore Sturgeon

Author:Theodore Sturgeon [Sturgeon, Theodore]
Language: eng
Format: epub
ISBN: 978-1-4532-9546-5
Publisher: Open Road Media Sci-Fi & Fantasy

Andrew Merriweather

MY WIFE HAS A little poodle named Boo. Boo will hump any available outstretched arm or crossed leg. My wife, who is ever so genteel, says, “Oh, naughty, naughty Boo to do such a dirty thing!” Boo doesn’t listen.

The other day I got fed up with Boo frantically humping my leg, so I hit him across the nose with the Wall Street Journal and suggested to my wife that she either let him out to take care of his natural urges or take him to a vet. She replied that it would be dangerous because “Boo is just a little little boy—so very young yet.”

The dog is eight years old.

I get tired of watching television with a perpetual background of “Oh, naughty Boo. Oh, how dirty, Boo!” so sometimes I just get up and leave. If I happen to come back later, I can expect to see her absorbed in television, with Boo humping away at her crossed leg. Every so often she will look down and give the dog a maternal smile. It gives me the creeps. And if I go in she uncrosses her legs and says, “Oh, naughty Boo.”

All of which is why I prefer the company of Willa Mayhew to that of my wife. Willa confines her hypocrisies to that syrupy little bird in her column and deals with me with her insanity wide open. Willa, I think, would rap Boo’s nose for humping if she were alone with him but would encourage it if I were present. Demonstrations of evil are the breath of life to Willa Mayhew, and I am only too happy to encourage her in it.

Everything humanity has become and has produced goes back not to the arch and the wheel, but far earlier to the recognition of straight lines and flat surfaces. Where a human being is strictured he is channeled, and like water in a pipe, the smaller the diameter the greater the pressure. To say nothing of the control in direction … To accuse me of being against the natural thing is to misunderstand me. I do happen to prefer a box hedge to a bougainvillea, because the latter can only diffuse itself while a box becomes more dense the more you cut it back, and will willingly accept training in any direction and still stay healthy. The choice of plants which thrive under discipline is the secret of business and of individual people as well.

I do not operate under rules-of-thumb, but if I did, I would deny a bank loan out-of-hand to anyone who is, on first meeting, what is called “warm” or (mistakenly) “human” or seductive or cheerfully ingratiating. Let such people grow like weeds on someone else’s property. I surround myself with practices, people, activities, and plants which can be contained and directed. I pride myself that there exists no passion, no emotional circumstance, which can cloud my clear vision of its worth and my ability to find a direction for it.

All of which again

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