Complete Notes from Singapore by Humphreys Neil
Author:Humphreys, Neil [Humphreys, Neil]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Marshall Cavendish International Asia Pte Ltd
Published: 2011-05-31T16:00:00+00:00
The Campaign
AFTER leaving my family behind in England, having spent Christmas and the New Year with them, I was rather depressed and needed cheering up. I’d just infuriated a Singaporean busload of impatient commuters by waving my old farecard at the ez-link card reader. Surprisingly, the machine wouldn’t beep. Unsurprisingly, my uncensored language produced a few beeps of its own as I struggled to come to terms with the latest technological miracle of efficiency.
I’d only been away for five weeks, but it might as well have been five years. In the end, a teenager rather patronisingly explained that the farecard was now defunct and I had to use an ez-link card instead.
The embarrassing scene was reminiscent of the time I showed my grandmother how to use a VCR. “So you put the tape in like this, Nan,” I told her, while performing the task in slow motion. “This slot is only for videotapes, okay? It’s not a mailbox. This is the last time I’m getting the letters out, all right? Now, stop dribbling.”
Back on the bus, I thanked the teenager with a discreet farecard paper-cut to his forearm and sulked all the way to the MRT station at Toa Payoh. And then, the dark clouds dissipated and sunlight filtered through my black mood.
The blinding light came in the form of an SMRT poster, which proudly announced the all-new Courtesy Awareness Campaign for 2003. The acronym is CAP, though I’m sure there should be an ‘R’ in there somewhere. Perceptively aware that commuters might, at this stage, gouge out their eyeballs to avoid reading the poster in its entirety, this campaign vowed to be “more fun and exciting”.
Now, there is a quiz. That’s right, there is an online quiz to determine whether you are a selfless angel or a kiasu bastard when travelling on Singaporean public transport. I couldn’t wait to get home to participate.
In entertainment terms, the quiz might fall short of, say, Who Wants To Be A Millionaire or an irritable bowel, but it’s an enlightening exercise nonetheless. I won’t spoil the content for you, but let’s just say the quiz writers are fond of pregnant women questions along the lines of: “If a pregnant lady goes into labour on a train, would you cut the umbilical cord and give up your seat for the newborn baby?”
If foreigners participate, they could be forgiven for thinking the MRT is full of nothing other than heavily pregnant women. As a precaution, SMRT should look into this and ensure that its drivers are all fully trained midwives. I’m only bitching because I scored a pitiful nine out of 16 and my scorecard read: “Kind, but could be kinder.”
That’s a rather cruel character assassination. I’ve secured seats for pregnant women on countless occasions by bundling little old ladies to the floor.
But Singapore loves a condescending campaign or two doesn’t it? There have been campaigns for, among other things, courtesy on public transport, killer litter, cleaner toilets, feeding stray cats and picking your nose at family gatherings.
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