Clearly, I Didn't Think This Through : The Story of One Tall Girl's Impulsive, Ill-conceived, and Borderline Irresponsible Life Decisions (9781101612255) by Goldfarb Anna

Author:Goldfarb, Anna [Goldfarb, Anna]
Language: eng
Format: epub
ISBN: 9781101612255
Publisher: Penguin USA
Published: 2012-11-06T05:00:00+00:00

CHAPTER 9

I Am Impressed by the Worst Things Ever

I often think about what all of my conquests would look like if they lined up next to one another in a police lineup–type scenario. I already know the answer: It’d look like a clown college’s graduation class picture, just a total freak show. Most of the guys would be under 5′8″ and look like they hadn’t showered in many moons. They’d be a mixture of dorks and misfits, awkwardly standing around like they were at a well-lit sixth grade dance. I think about my mother seeing the sorry lot of them, shaking her head and frowning, wondering where she went wrong.

“But, Mom, they’re all great people.” I’d point a few out. “That one knows a bartender who gets us free drinks. That one went to art school and now works at a video store. The one over there in the cardigan has a library card. You love the library!” That wouldn’t make it any better. It’d probably make it worse.

From what I’ve observed, most women evaluate potential mates by the following criteria:

1. He must have a good job.

2. He must come from a good family.

3. He must have strong morals and values.

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