By Your Side by Brenda Ford

Author:Brenda Ford [Ford, Brenda]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Published: 2020-07-07T23:00:00+00:00

Chapter 12 – Millie

I chew anxiously on my thumb nail as I wait for Lance to come back in to the kitchen. He will, if he wants to talk about it, if he can still bear to be around me. I suppose he won’t if he agrees with all of those awful comments about me. But if that’s the case then I have no idea what I’ll do. If he goes then I’ll lose every part of myself because he’s the only thing I’m mentally clinging to right now. His opinion is the only thing connecting me to the planet, once I lose him then I will know for sure that I can never escape my past.

“What is he doing?” I whisper to myself. My foot keeps tapping hard and fast on the floor as my nerves get the better of me. “What the fuck is he doing? He must know by now. He has to have seen it…”

I spin rapidly and grab myself a glass. My throat is dry and painful, I need some liquid to cool me down, but as I try and pour water in to the glass, it splashes all over my hands. I’m too scared and messy to even get a drink, to satisfy one of my basic freaking human needs, which is just stupid. I am a real state.

“Just go and speak to him,” I scold myself, trying to snap myself in to action. “Remember that you didn’t do anything wrong, just like your father said. Go in there and be strong. Stand your ground.”

Maybe if I can stand my ground with Lance then I can do it with the rest of the world as well. Perhaps I will be able to hold my head up high and show everyone that it doesn’t matter how much they want to take me down from behind the secrecy of their computer screens, they can’t destroy me… but I honestly don’t know if I have the inner strength for that. It’s all well and good wanting to be that strong woman, but actually being her is something else. I just don’t know if I can do that quite yet, it isn’t quite there in me.

But I do need to at least glance at Lance, to see what his expression is. Once I have seen his face and I know how he’s feeling about everything I will be able to decide about what’s next.

Oh God. My heart stops beating the moment I peer around the door frame to see Lance’s face which has absolutely no color in it at all. He looks even more shocked as he reads than I thought he would be. He definitely isn’t taking this well, which means I can’t be connected to him anymore. I need to get him out of here before he wrecks everything, before he destroys me. I can already feel a sickness swirling in my stomach now. And that’s not to mention the tears that are threatening to come all over again.

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