BDSM Mastery—Relationships a guide for creating mindful relationships for Dominants and submissives by Fairfield M. Jen & Rubel PhD Robert J

Author:Fairfield,M. Jen & Rubel PhD, Robert J. [Fairfield,M. Jen]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Red Eight Ball Press
Published: 2014-12-31T16:00:00+00:00

What is it to be a submissive? Ah, well, that depends upon who you are as an adult and the “chemistry” between you and your Dom/me as much as it depends upon your personal ideas about how a submissive person should act.

Perhaps it’s easier for me to tell you what it is not. It is not an abdication of personal responsibility or a total deferral to the Dom/me. A person who checks their brain at the door is not likely to be accepted into a long-term D/s unless the Dom/me is looking for someone so weak-willed that they will put up with abuse. A sub that over-relies on the well-intentioned Dom/me’s leadership and initiative will end up with a burned-out Dom/me. The “witless sub” model requires far more work from the Dom/me than most will tolerate: most Dom/mes consider “do-me” or “high-maintenance” subs to be manipulating the relationship from the bottom and won’t put up with it. (A “do-me” person wants to be the center of attention and willingly gives their body to be pleasured: they are much less willing to do the pleasuring (or do the housework) without being themselves pleasured. In a general sense, they maintain a “what’s in it for me” attitude. High-maintenance is divided into two dimensions: physical and emotional. The former requires lots of expensive items to make their life work the way they wish; the latter requires nearly constant personal affirmation and encouragement to overcome deep-seeded insecurities and poor self-esteem. )

How is the word “subordinate” different from “submissive?” Here is how the Oxford English Dictionary defines subordinate : (n) “Of a person or body of persons belonging to an inferior rank, grade, class, or order and hence dependent upon the authority or power of another.”

The subordinate person is in the following position; this is the person taking orders. However, the fact that they are following orders does not make them a submissive person: A macho prisoner who terrorizes and dominates other inmates is still subordinate to the lowest-ranked prison guard. Whether one is in the superior or subordinate position depends upon specific situations and is not related to whether one has a dominant or submissive personality.

I’ll tell you up-front: this is a concept that applies to M/s, rather than in D/s relationships. I’m bringing it up in this book so you will begin to realize some of the fundamental differences between how D/s and M/s relationships work. Once you understand that slaves are subordinates rather than submissives you’ll then begin to understand why many slaves seem to have much more latitude than submissives when it comes to expressing elements of their own dominance while taking responsibility for their supportive role in the relationship.

If you would like to read more about M/s structures, I refer you to our parallel series of books on Master/slave Mastery .

submissive roles in a relationship

In a relationship, the “sub” is the person who chooses at certain times and with certain conditions to submit to the will of their partner. The

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