Anita and Me by Meera Syal

Author:Meera Syal [Meera Syal ]
Language: eng
Format: epub
ISBN: 9780007378524
Publisher: HarperCollins Publishers

A ripple of excitement passed through the crowd as Mr and Mrs Pembridge began the long walk from their oak panelled front door to the end of the drive. The various stalls had already been set up, church tables covered with crepe paper and unsteady awnings of candy-striped canvas, everywhere handwritten tags and signs to attract the serious bargain hunters; ‘Kiddies Woollies! Hand-Knitted From Local Sheep!’ ‘Vintage Elderberry Wine…Bottled in Cannock!’ ‘Mrs Horton’s Homemade Cakes…Free Scone With Every One Shilling Spent!’

As you could tell by the unnecessary use of exclamation marks, competition between the stallholders was fierce. Every year, rival villages would battle it out to see who could rake in the most money, therefore ensuring that their local church would get to choose to which charity the takings would eventually go.

Uncle Alan was instrumental in setting up campaigns and fund-raising work for international charities in the parish. However, unlike Mr Ormerod and his Bibles for Africa whist drive, he did not seem keen in bringing the light to the darkest jungles of the Third World. ‘Actually, Mr O,’ Alan confided once to him. ‘I think they should jolly well follow whatever religion they choose. As long as they can feed themselves and work their land with some independence, I feel that we will indeed have done the Lord’s bidding.’ Mr Ormerod looked as if Alan had suggested having a piss in the font and from that point, as much as it must have pained him to snub a man of God, gave Alan a wide berth. I once remember standing waiting to be served in his shop with papa at my side whilst Mr Ormerod conducted a heated discussion with one of the choir ladies about Uncle Alan’s worrying views. ‘I mean, Mrs Lacey, it’s not just about giving them stuff, is it? It’s about giving them culture as well, civilisation. A good, true way of living, like what we have. It’s all very well just saying hee-yaar, get on with it but they’ll just tek us for mugs. They’ll want fans next, radios, cookers. I mean, we ain’t a charity, are we?’

Mrs Lacey nodded her head and then said, ‘I thought we was a charity.’

‘Well, you know what I mean,’ replied Mr Ormerod testily, giving her some change and turning to us with a welcoming smile, completely devoid of irony.

Papa of course related the whole episode to mama when we returned and they laughed till they wept, playing both the characters in the scene, ‘They’ll want cookers!’ giggled mama. ‘Doesn’t he know we were fitting bidets into our houses when their ancestors were living in caves? Oh God!’ and then she went suddenly quiet and looked hard at papa. ‘God Shyam, is that how they see us? Is it really?’

Papa shrugged his shoulders. ‘You take things too seriously, Daljit. They have accepted us, have we ever had any trouble from people round here? You know, like Usha had over in Willenhall, those shaved head boys shouting at them,

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