Angels of Interstate 29 by Donald James Parker

Author:Donald James Parker [Parker, Donald James]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Sword of the Spirit Publishing
Published: 2008-09-24T07:00:00+00:00

* * *

On Sunday morning, Tex had a leisurely breakfast and showered. What do I wear to church? I haven't a clue. I wonder if I can still fit into my funeral suit. Hold on. What a perfect excuse to call Lizzy. Too bad the drapes are up. I could go out there in my skivvies, but with my luck, some neighbor peeping into my windows will call the cops and complain that I'm a pervert because I'm running around my own house semi-nude. He pulled his pajama bottoms back on and went out to the living room to use the phone.

"Hi, Lizzy. This is Tex."

"Good morning, Tex. Don't tell me you're not coming to church with us."

"OK. I won't tell you. Actually, I called to find out what would be considered suitable clothing. Do I need to break my suit out of mothballs?"

"Heavens, no. If you wore a suit, you'd probably be the only one. You'd feel like Ann Coulter at the Democratic National convention. This is a pretty laid-back church. What is important to them is what's in your heart, not what's in your wallet or on your back. That's why I like it so much. Some of them will be wearing shorts and some jeans. Dockers or dress slacks with a dress shirt would be considered formal."

"Great. I'm not sure my suit fits anymore. It's been shrinking lately. Thanks, Lizzy. See you in a few."

He hung up the phone and thought for a minute. Should I? Would I be a scoundrel if I did it? Nah!

He dialed the phone one more time.

"Parnelli, Tex here."

"This better be good. I just pulled myself out of the bathtub to get this call. I thought it might be L...important."

"So sorry it's not Lizzy. I hope you have a towel draped over you."

"Wouldn't have made it in time if I stopped for a towel."

"Hope your shades are down."

"Some are. But not the ones in this room. I just turned my back to the window."

Tex shook his head and tried not to get a picture of the scene at Parnelli's. "I was just calling to find out what you're wearing to church."

"I don't know. To tell you the truth, I hadn't even thought about it until just now. What about you?"

"I think I'll wear my funeral suit and a tie. Lizzy really likes suits. Wished I had a three-piece version to really make a dazzling impression on her."

"In that case, I'll probably wear some coveralls and a pair of shit-kickers. I don't want to put too much distance between myself and the competition. The contest would be boring then."

"That's fine. Make sure you don't clean your boots off. I want to be around when you open your mouth and insert foot."

"You have a classic sense of humor, Tex. Unfortunately, Hee Haw has been cancelled and there's no market for your jokes. Now, if you don't mind, I'll end this little X-rated phone call and cover up my birthday suit."

"Your neighbors will be grateful."

"Thanks for helping me wash my carpet.

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