Always a Bridesmaid (for Hire) by Jen Glantz

Author:Jen Glantz
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Atria Books

I’m pacing back and forth, feeling the blended juices in my stomach churning from my upper rib down to my intestines. My eyes shut tight, and I try to formulate a game plan: Do I stay, or do I go? My feet suddenly step on something soft and bony. I open my eyes to see that I’m standing on top of a New York City police officer’s foot.

“Ma’am?” he says, trying to figure out if I’m lost or just waiting to be found. I wiggle my head as if I’m trying to get rid of lice, finding a way to say sorry and explain myself in the same breath.

“I’m so sorry,” I start with the obvious one first. “I’m just a bridesmaid for hire, waiting to meet two strangers.”

In the distance, police sirens wail, throwing off flashes of red and blue light that compete with the LED lights all around us. I realize what I just said must sound wacky. If this were a small town in Arkansas, where neighborhood police officers know last names, birthdays, the first kisses of all the residents, this news would have been enough to take me into the station for questioning. But this is Times Square. I have a lot to compete with.

“Have you met them before? Seen what they look like?” the officer asks, as if this therapeutic kind of questioning is standard protocol.

Their email tells me they will be in tuxedos, that they are over six feet. It’s a rare combination anywhere else but in Times Square, where men walking by in tuxedos are just as common as people in fluffy Disney character costumes. They could be anyone. I edge closer to the police officer, hoping, if they see me now, that they’ll know I called in backup. They’ll know the kind of guys I bring with me as my plus-one.

“No,” I admit. Guiltily. “I haven’t.”

July 18, 2014—4:15pm

From: [email protected]

To: [email protected]

Jen Jen,

Oh snoot! We don’t have Skype, or a webcam for that matter. But we would like to meet you on the 15 of October. Will you meet us then? Will you be our one and only bridesmaid and wedding guest?

Kisses,

Your Boys

I have watched enough of MTV’s Catfish to know that when someone says they don’t have a webcam, they 100 percent are not who they say they are. But still, for some odd reason, I decide to press on.

July 18, 2014—7:33pm

From: [email protected]

To: [email protected]

Rob,

Are there any public libraries you can go to? Friends that have Wi-Fi or an iPhone? Would love to chat face-to-face.

Best,

Jen Glantz

I heard nothing back from them.

• • •

The crowds have started to thin, and the theaters on Broadway have begun sweeping the popcorn and ticket stubs off the rugs from their final show of the evening. I’m left feeling defeated. Feeling wrong about this whole thing. The police officer is mostly confused. It’s been another thirty-five minutes and I haven’t said a word to him, occasionally rolling my eyes or nodding my head, letting him know that while he doubts the outcome of this adventure, I still do not.

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