Almost Missed You by Jessica Strawser

Author:Jessica Strawser
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: St. Martin's Press

18

AUGUST 2012

“That night we met, you said everything was haunted. Everything.” At first, Finn had felt a little ridiculous talking to Maribel’s picture, but a half bottle of bourbon later, it was coming naturally. Exactly a year ago today, they’d gotten in the car and pointed it in the direction of the Atlantic. He’d been so eager to be the one to finally show Maribel something she’d never seen before. Maribel, who somehow always knew when private galleries were opening their doors, and which unassuming pubs had the best craft brews, and when the orchestra would be lighting up the whole world out under the stars. Maribel, who had opened up his own universe to hold so much more love and magic and possibility than he’d dared let himself hope for. Maribel, who had miraculously agreed to be his partner—for life. Maribel, whom he’d just wanted to see for himself against the one remaining big, beautiful backdrop that he still pictured with another woman in the frame.

He’d been so ready to move on to the next phase of their lives. So ready to kick it off with a new memory on the soft sand of the beach. And so tired. So tired he couldn’t even remember having fought with his closing eyelids before he drove across that double line and ruined everything, forever.

To commemorate this anniversary of his greatest regret, he’d chosen to let himself wallow. There was no other way he could fathom to function. He’d called off work. Waved away Caitlin’s offer to sit with him, though he knew she meant well. Drawn the shades. Bought the bourbon. He’d stayed in bed for most of the morning and waited until exactly noon to start drinking, as if that somehow made this approach more respectable. He’d sat Maribel’s picture in a club chair across the coffee table from him and poured her a glass too. Hers still sat untouched. His had been refilled so many times he’d lost count.

“I’m only haunted by what happened to you,” Finn told her now, running his fingers through his hair. “I’d rather be haunted by you. If you could materialize here—” He shook his head, his eyes never leaving her photograph. In it, she had just looked up from her sketchpad at the sound of him saying her name. Her hand was held midair, a piece of charcoal in her grasp, and her eyes were wide, bright, expectant.

“I guess I should be glad that you’re at peace. Or if you’re not, maybe you’re too angry at me to show yourself here. I wouldn’t blame you for that.” His bitter laugh seemed to echo under the high ceilings of the old living room. “Hate me as much as you want. You’ve got nothing on how bad I hate myself. Show up here and yell at me. It would be so much better than this—being alone here without you. I miss you so much…”

Stating the obvious aloud did not make Finn feel better. He’d thought he knew loneliness after his parents died.

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