50 Ways to F**k the Planet by Mark Townsend

Author:Mark Townsend
Language: eng
Format: epub
Tags: Fiction
Publisher: HarperCollins Publishers

Disseminate

Once you are inside your secure laboratory, stay cool. Put on your white suit, comb your hair, learn the lab layout by heart and, in particular, where the most harmful vials are stored. Each lab has different protocols and, initially, it is important only to blend in. Soon enough, you will be viewed as hard-working and trustworthy. You become known for your diligence in removing all clothing before entering and showering before leaving. Eventually, you will be handed the keys to the laboratory’s most prized contents. You will probably decide to smuggle stuff out one night after working late. By then, you will have taken the premises’ most dangerous airborne pathogen. Although viruses normally require a host, into which they inject their genes and hijack the cell’s biological machinery in order to duplicate, some can survive in the atmosphere for weeks. Foot and mouth sets an inspiring example, a virus which in 2001 blighted the UK economy and rural regions of Northumberland, Cumbria, and the West Country. But – and this shows the real power of a carefully targeted viral release – it has also had, and still does, fabulous international effects. With British meat effectively off limits after the 2001 foot-and-mouth epidemic, Brazil stepped in to make up the shortfall in meat production and began razing the Amazon forest like never before so it could plonk massive cattle ranches where virginal rainforest once stood.

Finally, if you fail to land a job, do not completely despair. In that scenario, contact one of your like-minded doctor academic friends. Doctors and scientists, as the UK terrorist attacks on Glasgow airport a year after Pirbright’s foot-and-mouth release proved, can be radicalized like the rest of us. But be selfish, really the prize is yours for the taking, and soon your white-coated spine will be shaking with the greatest viral release in humanity’s history.

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