44 Horrible Dates by Eddie Campbell

Author:Eddie Campbell
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Sourcebooks, Inc.
Published: 2012-03-14T16:00:00+00:00

Paul

Paul thought he was so funny. I did not. I care too much about you, my reader, to have you know anything more about Paul other than the essentials, and that can be summed up in a few words.

He told jokes all the time. He took nothing seriously. While that sounds like it could be nice and refreshing, believe me, it’s not. It’s spooky.

We were on our first date, enjoying a nice dinner. Trying to get to know him better, I asked if he had siblings.

He said, “Yes, one brother…” He then paused for a few seconds, and said, “Who I used to fuck when we were little.”

I was dumbfounded.

I sat there silent with my jaw open.

He sat there with a stupid self-pleased grin, waiting for me to react. Then a few minutes later he said, “Just kidding!”

Yeah. By then it was too late.

He could tell, though, from my lack of laughter and my body language, that I didn’t think his joke was funny.

And, as a last desperate measure for a humorous reaction from me, he asked, “Would it bother you if I had fucked him?”

I was stone faced. Not a muscle moved. I did not even blink—on purpose.

I will spare you any more jokes from Paul. Just like his jokes, nothing about the rest of the night was funny!

If Paul really has a brother, I feel sorry for him.

PAUL

AKA: FUCKS HIS BROTHER

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