You Can't Judge a Body by Its Cover by David Bedrick

Author:David Bedrick
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Belly Song Press
Published: 2020-02-15T00:00:00+00:00

Connecting with Her Power

As Isabella speaks about how ignorant the world is, I hear something new in her voice. She’s speaking with more fierceness, even outrage in her tone. I want to support her connection with the power she couldn’t access earlier.

“Say more about the world’s ignorance. I want to hear.”

“It’s so obvious, we protect ourselves. We need comfort. When there is no one else there to comfort us, the calmness that comes from eating certain kinds of foods protects me. It calms me down, it comforts me, and then I’m shamed for it. So many people are overweight, and the world makes fun of them. They call them lazy, they call them stupid, and say ‘They don’t take proper care of themselves, they let themselves go. They should be ashamed of themselves. They are disgusting monsters.’”

“What would you say to them, Isabella?” As I reiterate this question, my goal is to reinforce the protective power and instinct in Isabella against her previous agreement with her mother, who called her a monster. She is becoming an advocate for others and for herself.

“I would say, ‘If the world can’t give it to you, try to love yourself, because you’re worthy of that love. When the world laughs at you, remember that you know something that the world doesn’t know or doesn’t want to acknowledge. Try to stabilize your inner self. Talk about your pain, talk about your traumas. Find a witness to your abuse, if that was happening to you. Don’t push yourself. Don’t be too hard on yourself.’”

Her advocacy is a mixture of fierce and tender. She is reframing her vision of her weight gain and defending herself against both old inner views and the world’s judging eyes.

“Isabella, what would you say to those who are cruel to larger people?”

“I would ask them, ‘Why? What’s inside you? What kind of pain are you carrying that gives you the right to do that to others? What are you trying to run away from? If someone is big, if someone is small, if someone looks good and someone looks bad in your eyes, it’s none of your business, actually. It’s none of your business. What’s inside you? Stress? Pain? Frustration? Does it make you feel any better? Any prettier? Any more successful?’”

“Wow. That’s powerful, Isabella. Beautiful.” This is a good shift for her, to push back with critical questioning. “I hear strength in your voice, an oomph, a force, a potency. You feel that?”

“Yeah, I feel it.”

“Where do you feel that in your body?”

Now that she has an inner advocate, in addition to my outer advocacy, she may be safer to enter her body experiences again. However, it still must be done with high awareness of signals that she is getting a bit overwhelmed.

“I feel it in my chest, and I feel it in my face, and my stomach as well.”

“Great. In your stomach, and in your chest, and in your face. Go ahead and play with that just for a moment. Make your face a little bit more like that.

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